Corinne's Blog

I was freaking out a bit there.
I recently was contacted by Craig because he was changing his website hosting providers and he didn’t want my website to just disappear especially since I renewed my domain for three years.

So I bought hosting on Go Daddy.com and now I’m hosting my own site and I own the domain name…it’s a great feeling :D

After the site being down for a little while it’s finally back up and running…I’m really happy and excited and I’ve decided I’m going to begin using her a lot more. I miss spilling my guts to the interwebs.

So I’ve been dating a lot more, Trying to get over the past and look forward to the future and one particular guy has inspired me to write a list of possible dates that I’d like to see myself going on, These have no particular order but I will check the ones I’ve already done with this particular guy. I’m not mentioning his name because that seems to jinx my success with these men but I am listing all of these that I’d written in my notebook.

1. Bowling
2. Sushi Tango on a Tuesday Night after 10pm which is Karoke
3. Vali-hi Drive in Movie Theatre
4. Canoe or Paddleboat
5. Kite Flying
6. Cooking Dinner together
7. Going to the airport with a thing of ice cream and watching the planes take off
8. Going out to dinner and having Good conversation
9. Camping even during the Winter somewhere in the woods with a blanket and a lot of fire wood.
10. Walking around Uptown holding hands looking like a couple
11. Quick Road trip to some Minnesota Landmark
12. Crossing the State Boarder into Michigan or to North or South Dakota or into Wisconsin for an evening
13. Staying in and finding an excuse to cuddle.
14. Doing some sort of mini pub crawl going to as many bars along the strip as we can and having one alcoholic beverage at each, parking the car so far from where we are that we must walk off our intoxication before driving home.
15. Biking around by Minnehaha Creek on the path down to Lock and Dam #1
16. Fishing at the Lake
17. Hunting (Because I’d like to try it once)
18. Babysitting my God children

So I think I just went on a date…
I’m unsure because everything happened so spontaneously.

To begin I’d like to say that since breaking up with Craig I’ve gone through many stages of recovery…one of the stages I just got through was my ‘I’m going to act like a slut and get as many dates into a week as I can’ stage. This stage was not only really exhausting but it was dangerous and I often didn’t hit it off with the man I was with.

When we did hit it off as I wrote in a previous blog there was always something wrong with him that made hanging out with him again difficult…like that fact that he had kids or the fact that he asked me for money to pay for something…that’s a big no no in my book.

So in my quest to find more genuine guys I decided to make a profile on the website PlentyofFish.com…My friend Tom Orbison has been using the site for awhile now and as much as a love and respect Tom I find at times that I underestimate the fact that he hasn’t had a girlfriend is a very long time…then all of a sudden he’s telling me about all the girls he’s dating and I’m meeting some of them and they’re actually decent. So I figured…if it was good enough for him it can be good enough for me…maybe I can meet my prince charming and fall in love.

So I make the profile and upload some of my favorite pictures. But I don’t take the time to answer all the questions…instead I take time to be honest and detailed in my profile description and the section where it asks you about your more ideal/dream first date.

This is my About me Section: (I hope no one disputes what I said here.)
Relationship

Intent Pinker331 is actively seeking a relationship.

Relationship History The longest relationship Pinker331 has been in was over 4 years long.

Interests

Photography Singing Cooking
Theatre Bowling Dancing
Eating Watching Movies Hanging out with friends
Writing and Reading Listening and Playing Music Dating D
Traveling Working

About Me
When I’m not working the job that I love in an elementary school program I enjoy watching movies: I’m one of those people who spends a lot of her alone time looking at independent films on Netflix and playing the six degrees of separation in my head with actors and actresses. I really enjoy taking and editing photographs, I’m quite the shutterbug. I like listening to all types of music and my tastes in music often will change with my moods. When I can, I workout at the gym, I try to get there three times a week. I’m getting back into biking and hiking, I’m not the best swimmer but I enjoy being in the water.

I regularly attend church and can be found almost every Sunday leading the praise and worship team with my voice, so needless to say I’m not terribly bad at singing and I rather enjoy doing it in my free time and not only in the shower.

For the last three years I’ve been working on writing a novel which I feel has the potential to set me apart.

I aspire to be a nurse one day and the be able to live successfully. I wouldn’t say that I have trouble with my independence because I’ve been out of my mother’s house for a few years now and I am not totally self sufficient, I would just like to live more comfortably though in the near future.

I’m looking to find someone who can compliment me and my interests well. Everyone says I’m down to earth and I’m optimistic always seeing the glass half full.

I currently reside with a ton of male roommates which may seem unique but is an ideal living situation for me because I’m not into the drama that living with females can bring with it.

I really love kissing and I’m always down for cuddling for a movie on the couch or even at the drive in.

First Date

On my ideal first date I could see myself and A guy meeting at a local coffee shop for a cup of java and a bit of conversation. The guy would be welcome to bring me a small present or bouquet of flowers…or a single flower, because I think that’s romantic :D…candy is also welcome. Then from there he would drive me to dinner someone eccentric because I really enjoy eating out and trying new foods and as he’d impress me with his wit I’d notice his out of this world manners. He’d be a complete gentleman and I’d feel completely comfortable to share everything honestly with him and I’d trust that he’d feel the same for me.

After dinner we’d either catch a movie, go bowling after which we’d go back to his or my places to play some board games or cards and I’d show him some magic tricks that I know. Then we’d go out and look at the stars for awhile and then he’d offer to take me out for a nightcap…then after a good conversation over a beer he’d drive me home at which time he’s walk me to my doorway and kiss me…not ask he’d just do it when the time was right.

My perfect guy would have decent fashion sense and would be comfortable in his own skin enough to be spontaneous and fun, he’d have time for me and would give me his attentions. Hopefully he is willing to try new things and isn’t too pushy.

And he’d initiate conversation and be good at conversing nothing bothers me more than dead silences when there don’t have to be. And then after a few days (or hours) he’d get back to me to schedule another date.

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So a few minutes after my profile is officially registered I get a message in my inbox from this guy and all it says is

“nice smile! what’s good with you? -JR”

At Which point I decided since he was online that I’d send him an instant message to chat and respond.

I said:

I’m really bored tonight after coming home from a long day od work, working out and my mom’s place…i’m exhausted but I really feel that I want to be out acting like a normal 22 year old this Friday night.

Then he said:

Lol, what is normal?

I said:

Actually socializing with people for a change…

For example my housemates 5 in all are all out at parties and I’m at home creating this Plenty of Fish profile.

he said:

Yeah, I’m just chipping away at some speadsheets :/ btw- my chat sux-text me if you would like to chat… (###.###.####) -JR

I said:

What does the JR stand for?

he said:

good question! text me…

I said:

yeah will do.

Then I text him.

______________________________________

-hey

>Hi who is this?

-Corinne

>Gotcha. Jeffrey Ryan (but only mom calls me that)

-That’s so cute! That’s a great name!

>What are you up to? Want to be social -grab a drink/chat?

-tonight?…yes! I’ve never been asked to handout at midnight before.

>lol Ok, where are you coming from?

-South Minneapolis…see I work in this school program and I usually wake early and go to bed  early also.

>The night is young :)

>I’m near Nokomis…u?

-So am I, where are you?

>Nice – we should hit a walk around the lake…didn’t make it out much today cause of the rain.

- Same yeah, do you bike? what block are you on?

>3# & #2nd

-Wow that’s super close!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Then out of the Blue he calls me…and we decide that we’re going to both bike to the chatterbox pub and get there by 12:45am.

So I ran to get into the shower….and I did so sadly with my earrings on and I knocked one off at it ran instantly down the drain…would that be a good sign?

A little flustered over the earring I managed to get all cleaned up and I even did some personal care of my facial hair which isn’t lady like.

When I got out of the shower I had 10 minutes and I ran and got on the first outfit I could find that was decent looking and I got on my old bike and I rode as fast as I could to the chatterbox getting there at 12:46.

There Jeff was sitting…he was like a demigod…I told him how i’d just had the worst 20minutes losing my earring and with the thought that I may have broken a few of my clothes trying to figure out what to wear,

“hopefully the rest of the night is better for you.” He said.

And it was, it was one of the best nights I’d ever had…we biked to Nokomis which was a few miles away…my bike was a trooper but my bike seat got progressively worse and worse as the night went on.

Jeff and I biked over to Lake Nokomis and I could tell right away that he was in his element on his bike night riding, not only was it good exercise but he was a great conversationalist….he asked me questions and we really hit it off…we stopped twice, the first time at a bench overlooking the Nokomis bridge…it was beautiful but the bugs started getting at me right away and i asked that we continue moving. Then the second time we stopped off the lake’s second beach at the drop off…I took off my shoes and started walking it but there was a drop off somewhere and I was holding my computer in my bag and didn’t want to risk getting it wet. So I walked out and over to the Bench and Jeff tried to kiss me…I told him to stop because I was ridiculously sweaty but he said he didn’t care are we kissed and then we decided to head back.

On the way back with my bike seat broken riding was difficult…

He offered to switch bikes and I accepted but his seat was too high and my weight was too much for his gears and peddles alone and I think I broke his bike…His gears weren’t the same after that :(.  So I told him that I couldn’t handle it anymore and switched back to my broken bike…he said he’d just gotten used to it.

I wanted to get a beer after having been exhausted but we realized that it was 2:15 or so in the morning and the bars had already closed…so we peddled a ways…down Longfellow until we got to 36 and he said he was going to part ways with me and head home.

He also said that he digged me and that he’d be giving me a call sometime…and I said “I hope you do because if you didn’t I’d be sad.” And he laughed and I said “when were you thinking? I don’t want to be like a love sick puppy sitting by the telephone.” And he said “Monday or Tuesdays of next week.” And I was super happy because those are both great days for me and they aren’t to far off because it was a Friday-Saturday night.

Then he came over and kissed me goodnight…which was just too perfect!

So I started writing this on Saturday Morning but now it’s Sunday Morning and I’m finishing it…I can’t wait till he calls me and I hope I’ll be able to keep up with him.

He’s a totally hot guy who could get or get with any girl he wanted to and he chose to message me and see how I was doing! He chose to spend hours and hours with me and I don’t know what I could do to keep him around but I really really really want to.

JR is super awesome and he’s the coowner of a company I think called TechdatMN….I hope to be able to go on another date with him…and I’m thinking I want to change my whole style to be more business and girly so I can stay with him.

He said he liked me when I was being my regular clumsy talkative self so there’s hope!

So I can split my social life up into four categories, 1) For me, 2) with her, 3) with them and 4) with him. (Five if you consider how I look at my relationships in view as a Christian and for God.)

Recently I’ve had a lot of fun outside of work hanging out with Adam Maarschalk from church.
My time with Adam can fit into two of my social categories. The first one being number one “for me”, and the second one being “with him”. Adam and I started hanging out mainly after Heidi became a flake on me when it came to working out at the LA fitness. Adam became my new workout buddy and he committed to working out with me on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10am till 11:30ish. It’s a win win situation for both of us because his being there has made me feel more comfortable in going to the gym because he is a great person to talk to and I really enjoy his company. Adam makes going to the gym more of a social fun gathering than a chore. Since I began working out with Adam I’ve lost a quick fifteen pounds and I’ve gain a lot more confidence in myself. I’m working for the improvement of my social “me”. After we workout sometimes I go to a coffee shop and work on my novel which is coming along nicely, or Adam and I go out to eat (we’ve been trying a lot of different worldly cuisine), sometimes we just end up at Adam’s apartment which is usually calm and quiet in the afternoons and a great place for me to work on my novel or just plain and simply sleep. Adam’s apartment is closer to my work so it’s more convenient for me to go back to work from there and home after work than for me to travel all the way back home just to turn around and travel the whole distance on the bus to head back to work. Because of my feeling for Adam and the way he teaches me about God and God’s messages I feel that my social time with him also fits in the “with him” category twice. My time with Adam is “with him” and my time talking about God and meditating on what is being said and learned is also my time to be with God, so in a strange sense with my father in heaven who is also a “with him”.

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My social life has also become my time with Heidi, even though we haven’t been working out and hangout out together as much as we were a few months ago I still am able to invite Heidi over and talk to her over the phone. A week ago we were able to get together and hangout at the Lyndale and Lake Street festival where we listened to some great bands and socialized.

Heidi is a good friend because she understand me when I’m desperate for attention from men. And she is a great inspiration for me as I write about my characters in my novel. I find inspiration from her and her friendship because she gives me confidence that I am worth something more than I value myself being alone. She also gives me a major friend high.

Through my interactions with Heidi I’ve been able to meet and reconnect with a lot of people from my past. So my interactions socially “with her” have become interactions with other and “with them.”

For example after last Sunday’s Lyn-Lake festival I joined Heidi and some old friends from the pasted that we bumped into at Heidi’s house for a bonfire. Before that we had gone shopping for ingredients to make fun over the fire pit kabobs that ended up tasting out of this world good. It was nice to be able to socialize with people my own age late into the night, drinking responsibly and laughing and making memories.

Also at the Lyn-Lake festival because I ended up staying to wait for Heidi to show up I was able to bump into some of my coworkers out of our co-working element. Because of my being sighted at such a cool and hip event now I’ve earned some street cred’ with my coworkers and they’ve been treating me as more of the team and less of the geeky outsider.

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I need someone who can accept my geek and my outsider. I’ve been on an up and down journey to not look toward the past in my personal relationships with men and to try to fly full speed ahead to the future.

I’ve gone on a couple of dates and went to see the movie Thor with a cute boy.

I’ve taken the time to make myself available to men and I’ve been hit on …I’ve been asked for my number and given the numbers of others.

I’ve given myself for time for times “with him” and I try to get Craig and my relationship with him out of my head. He’s moved on I should also.

So far my looking for other men has been good at times and bad at times…for example, my timing with some of the men in my life has been really bad. My friend Vince and my friend Jeremy both told me they had feelings for me, I didn’t act on their offers to be more than friends with them because I felt that I wasn’t ready to get my heart broken again and both men ended up finding other woman. They both still claim to love me but I’ve missed my chases with both of them.

There was a date I was supposed to be on today but I was stood up…but, I got out there and I actually showed up which I wouldn’t have had the guts to do months ago.

I’m actually acting on the crushes I have though some of them have been harder for me to act on than others. Having feelings for single men at church has been the hardest…do I act on my impulses to give a guy my number or do I only treat him as my brother and watch as a good man passes me by?

At times I need to stop focusing on my times “with him” and make them times “for me” and “with/for God”

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Speaking of “For God” a all encompassing social category. I’ve been taking on more responsibilities at my church and I’m actually feeling like I’m finally becoming an adult.

I’ve been asked to represent my congregation in a worship convention in Michigan come June 14th-16th. I will be in school at working my summer job at this time and I’m hoping that I won’t miss too much.

But it’s nice to be able to take on more responsibility and be available for my congregation to do more work “For God”.

Maybe being at the convention I’ll meet some nice Christians and create some lasting friendships.

For all I know maybe my future prince charming will be there at the convention…though that won’t be my motivation for going.

I’m really happy to be putting myself out there and taking more risks with myself socially.

When Craig and I started Dating not long after I had come back from my trip to Scotland and visiting him I Created a Collage in Homage to the great memories I had with Craig. Whenever I woke up I’d look at it and it would make me smile. I’d remember and i’d memorized every curve of Craig’s face from those pictures.

The collage also had some shots that I really had loved from my times in Scotland that I’d had plans of one day framing and putting in my own house.

Well I still plan on framing my pictures one day but till then I still had that old collage sitting in my closet since I moved in from last OCT. 2010.

I’d been planning on putting it up when I’d moved in in October but Leo died and I didn’t do much of anything with my room. Then November came around and Craig dumped me so I had no reason to put it up because it seemed to only upset me.

I remember how I’d taken the time on the last day of school to tape and laminate all of those pictures. to save them into one big sheet. I remember having spent hours in the computer lab printing them off I think I spent a good 20$ on ink and paper. I also remember the hours I’d taken to first arrange the collage on the floor of my dorm like I wanted it and then onto the wall where it hung for my whole 2nd semester.

Now I needed to get rid of it because it was a terrible reminder of all the good times Craig and I had had and it brought me much pain to think of it sitting there in the closet. So what did I do to get rid of that pain and this reminder of my relationship with Craig?

I burned the damn thing.

It was a spur of the moment thing…I grabbed the poster out of the closet…and I started walking and I didn’t look back, I marched downstairs where I asked Mark if he had a lighter…he said no so I marched up to the stove, turned it on and set the damn thing on fire…Walking outside to the fire pit I dropped it in and the whole thing was quickly engulfed in fire and smoke. It went so fast and my heart only ached after it for a second as I watched my face and his melt into flames and ash. I sat there and watched it while wearing my Easter best and the feeling of the warmth on my face that turned to cold was symbolic in some way of my feelings for Craig.  Warmth and light to cold darkness. I felt so relieved when it was finally gone that I wanted to call my mother and dance and shout for joy.

I really loved Craig and sadly the memories of our times together are still burned into my head though the pictures I’d printed are now gone.

I hope that I can find peace when I get the guts to burn the rest of Craig’s stuff.
I chose to burn it so that there would be no way of me digging it back up….like I might do to something i’d just throw in the garbage.

When it comes to things like the locket Craig gave me I’m unsure of what I can do with it.

But his letters and gifts to me have got to go soon…I need to move on!

Picking up books that I find scattered across the floor of my room I see the author’s names and I can’t help but imagine my own name on the cover of my own book one day.

As many of my readers may already have known I’ve been working on a novel that I began after telling my little sister Cynthia a bedtime story. I’ve been working on this novel for a few years now and the sad fact is that even though I have the whole plot down I am having a hard time just getting it out of my head and into the computer.

Originally I’d had plans to post the whole story on my blog for everyone to be able to read but because it isn’t copy written yet I want to keep it safe and out of the hands of evil people who might try to steal it and get it published themselves.

I’ve begun to give it to more and more people to read (at least what I have so far) and they tell me that it’s a great read and that I should hurry up and get it published.

I’ve begun reading it out loud to the children I’ve begun babysitting on Thursday and Saturday nights. The children are a set of male twins age 6 and their ten year old older sister. I love reading my story out loud to them because it makes it easier for me to go back and change spelling errors and sentences that don’t make sense, plus I’m getting a lot of positive and constructive criticism from the children and a lot of fun Ideas that I’d like to add to my story (they don’t just listen to the story…they yell out what they’d like to see happen or said in the story as I’m reading it and I can easily add things when I hear something I like.) The ten year old is really eating the story up but I’m kind of nervous about how far I want to go with my character’s relationship as they get older. In my story my characters begin their friendship as children and that friendship grows into a deep connecting love. After the characters grow up they eventually get married and have children together. (I apologize if this is a spoiler.)

The problem with my novel is the fact that It has the potential to become quite the steamy romance while at the same time it is a really cute bedtime story as it’d been originally told. The question I am asking myself is Do I want to keep my storyline PG or do I want to make it into a teen romance or adult romance for a more mature audience?
Personally at first I thought it would just be a romance novel. I remember I began reading romance novels when I was around eleven and in middle school and my obsession with romance has continued to now. The thing about romance novels is that there are a wide range of them and the ‘innocence’ levels as I like to call them are very different. Some romance novels have slowly budding love that becomes friendship then eventually the people get together, others start passionately as soon as the protagonists first meet. In Christian romance novels the main characters usually get married before the novel writes about any steamy consummation sex. When the first romance I read I believe was ‘forever’ by Judy Blume shows the reader that sex isn’t always part of what love and being loved is.

I don’t really remember the last romance I read because I went through a stage where I was more interested in reading all of the Carl Hiaasen collection. Carl Hiaasen is my favorite author and i find that his style or writing along with my love for romance has been part of what sparked how I’m writing my characters. Though Carl Hiaasen doesn’t really write direct romance he has many aspects of romance in his novels. His characters usually find love or something like it by the end of the books though they originally hadn’t intended to. It’s Carl Hiaasen’s characters that keep me intrigued and my characters in my novel are what the ten year old I babysit says are her favorite part.

My characters have the potential to keep any audience entertained and I’m hoping I’ll be able to continue to write them in a manner that makes them appropriate for people of all ages.

I wrote most of my characters based on people I know or have known in my life. The characters have changed as I’ve met new people and I’ve changed the development to fit different personality traits I’d like my characters to have. As I’ve changed My characters have also.

For example Craig used to be the basis of one of my characters Oliver and as I was writing Oliver’s character and back story I literally just took things out of Craig’s life and I took Craig’s mannerisms and I even asked Craig exactly what he’d think in certain situations. Sadly though Craig and I are no longer together or talking and Oliver’s character has kind of become the embodiment of the kind of guy I’d like to see myself marry one day. Oliver has become a little bit of everything I admired in my past boyfriends and I wished I’d be able to one day obtain.

Since Craig and my love story didn’t have a happy ending I’ve been debating whether or not to give my characters a happy ending or a realistic human ending that has the potential of not being positive.

My mom suggested that I write two sequels where I go through what life had been like if Oliver and Isabel got divorced. Or if Oliver and Isabel had had a good life and continued on with the happy ending.

Though it’s hard to show a person’s love story without getting into aspects of reality I’ve found that the hardest thing I’ve had to teach myself to express in writing is the way a person feels when they first encounter that initial mental and physical attraction to their counterpart. The fact is that sometimes people just get horny and I’m having a hard time determining what would be appropriate to say if the audience has the potential to be fairly young.

Hopefully I will find an answer soon and get this baby published.