So I just overheard my mother telling my little brother that she is writing out her will. I was kind of shocked at first because that would mean that my mother is contemplating what will happen to her and her estate after she leaves us and dies.

Recently with my mother be diagnosed with Cancer I’ve been trying to avoid the situation by acting like there is nothing wrong except that my mother has patches of her skin missing now because of tests and such…and because my mom is constantly in pain and can only handle little touching…hugging her is even hard now. I’ve been avoiding it because I want to be able to focus on the life that is and to not think of the life that may not be.

Gosh, with this will thing I think it just hit me that my mother has cancer and that I might lose her like Craig lost his mother.

I had a big discussion with Craig the other day in which he told me about how his mother did have a will but how he hasn’t seen it and how he half expected there to be some sort of letter waiting from his mother to give him closure after his mother’s passing. When there was nothing there Craig was disappointed and upset.

Right now my mother is writing her Will and in her will she will probably include a letter to each of us children to comfort and prepare us for life to come…to provide closure, she will also be establishing her estate.

I wonder what kind of position she puts me into in the family in her will for after she leaves. I wonder if she puts me in charge of the kids or gives me the animals. I know she doesn’t have a lot of money to leave behind. I wonder if she thinks well of me and I wonder what she’d say to me if she knew that she would never see me again and that I’d be devastated to see her go.

Gosh…I wonder what she is writing down…I hope I don’t have to read it for MANY MANY YEARS.