The Pa/Maternal Clock…What is it and why?
Click on the picture for a link to a New York Times article about the Infetility in Women
I know that many people think of the maternal clock and think that it is just a wives tale or that it is just a myth, that it is simply human instinct and nature for us as animals to want to be maternal, or to have our maternal selves start to show before we are not able to have children. Even though I know a lot of people claim this to be a myth or that it is simple animal instinct I am here to say that it is real, and that recently it has been driving me crazy.
I have just turned 20 years old and my maternal clock has been going for a few years now, my maternal instincts have been running and changing my life to the point where I have made some drastic decisions in order to compensate and appease it and sadly will still be going until I get on the road to becoming a mother.
One of the first things I’d like to say about the maternal clock is that YES it is VERY REAL…and that it can drive a woman insane. Not only can the maternal clock influence but it can also speed up a woman’s aging and maturing process.
The Maternal clock doesn’t just show up when a female is expecting a child….Oh no!
The maternal clock can be all of this….
- Thinking about being a mother
- Seeing woman with their children and becoming jealous
- Holding a child and imagining what it will feel like when you yourself are holding your own
- considering how you can fit having children in your life along with all your plans to travel the world
- It shows up when a baby comes onto the television on a Gerber ad
or
- when you watch a commercial that says that a product is MOTHER APPROVED and you think of what you will approve.
or
- when a woman walks past pushing a stroller
or
- when you think of what color car seats you will get…or what kind of car will remain child friendly when you are buying one NOW
or
- when you hold a baby in your arms who is crying and begin to think about one day becoming a mother and holding your own child and trying to make it feel better.
or
- when you hear a lullaby sung and you give it sentimental value because you hope to learn it and sing it to your own child one day
or
- even when you are a child and your mother doesn’t sing you the lullaby that you are used to and you get upset because you have given the other one sentimental value because it puts the warm and fuzzy in your stomach that you would like everyone else to share with you when they hear that same song.
Or
- it is walking by the baby section of the stores and seeing an outfit that you can image yourself putting on a little tot.
Or
- it’s thinking of baby names that are to you unique and special that you pair up with the last name of the person you are currently dating “________ McCreath …” then repeating the name out loud so you can hear and imagine yourself saying the name when the person is 3 or 15 or 30.
or
- looking at your boyfriend’s family to see if they are as good looking as him, so that you can tell if your children will have a chance of being disfigured or not.
or
- it is simply thinking about how you will fit a child into your future plans…how will a child fit as you are riding to work everyday or making millions of dollars?
or
- it is thinking about your mother and how she was 22, married and had three kids when you yourself are 20, in a serious relationship and not even close to being knocked up anytime soon because your love life has dried up like an oasis in the middle of a dessert during the time of a drought.
- it is babysitting and looking at how a parent arranges their toys and diaper cleaning products so you can remember to make them more efficient when you have children.
- It is thinking that the people who have children are the people who are the worst at being parents…it is wanting to take a child home to take care of yourself forever when you see a parent handle a situation in a manner that you yourself do not approve on.
- It is thinking of when and where a significant other may be purposing marriage, so you can plan for how many months a wedding might be in the works, so you can calculate how long after the wedding a honeymoon, and the year of being newly weds it is appropriate to bring up…or to announce that you want to or are going to be starting a family.
- It is thinking about the birth control pills and the condom and how annoying they are…or thinking about how many little children could have been brought up into the world when the condom is removed with it’s load of wasted sperm in it.
- It is the ache you get in your heart thinking that you one day might have someone in your heart that you will clove unconditionally and that will love you back for just creating them.
- That same ache comes as your wish and hope and pray that the child is happy and healthy and popular and well liked and accepted and will come sooner than just soon…which could be forever because time is relative to what a person knows…or believes because God is above time.
Because time is only relevant in your world you wonder how much money it will take for you to get to be with the one you love so that he will feel comfortable with your situation to want to pop you the question, so that you can plan a wedding, and go on a honey moon and have sex enough to get tired of the condom and then you get settled enough with the other person so that you both think it is an appropriate time to consider bringing someone else into the scenario and then it is trying and waiting and then success which only is found when you get immensely sick and start throwing up…but they say that YOU WILL KNOW and an pain and bloating and emotional rollerskating and having everyone looking at you and knowing that you have not only had sex! but let a man cum in you…and almost year wait …until you one night feel some sort of something that feels like water breaking and then apparently there will be A LOT of pain involved…the worse pain a woman and go through and a kind of punishment and blessing in a lot of cultures…
the maternal clock is ticking as you think about:
- how bad it may hurt and whether or not you will decide that it is appropriate to use drugs…and wondering if the drugs actually work or if that is just what the other woman say to make you feel better.
- It is also thinking if the drugs will affect “the baby” [which at this point is only an ache in your side which you feel when you think that everyone has a mother and that you are capable to being one too.]
The maternal clock ticks when you go through puberty and start thinking that boys can be handsome and so you start to be told that boys and girls can do things together that can be considered wicked to some and that can be painful at first, but that will lead to much obsession and pleasure.
It begins to hit home when you first get your period and your mother tells you that you are now a woman and that you’ll need to start taking care of your bodily functions…
- when you begin to smell and you notice smell on others…you think: Why is it important that I like a guys smell?
You think of dating and how it is only a means to get what you’ve really been wanting…which for men may just be sex because the path just stops there for them…but for you the female it is the beginning of another journey.
The maternal clock makes people act shallow and rude and to blow off men who may not fit what you would consider ideal in a man…you might completely blow off boys who you don’t find attractive at first glance when you are 10, 11 and 12 because something in you is telling you that ‘they wouldn’t be the right FIT’
or that they ‘don’t fit into your crowd’ What does it mean?!
So when I’m hungry and I’m in the kitchen I think to myself…I wonder what kind of meals i can make that I can repeat later in life when I become a mother.
I don’t really think of a wife…yeah sure I’ll cook for my husband but he HAS to like my cooking since he loves me…just like he will probably tell me that I don’t look fat if I ever tried on a hideous dress that made me look fat. A child on the other hand will be picky about what they eat and if they don’t like something they won’t eat it unless forced to.
I acknowledge that overtime a person’s tastes change…but I still consider that when i cook. mentally I ask myself…’what do I have to offer my future children to make their life amazing”
Box lunches? Letting them stay up late? Sleepovers and parties with the friends? I think about what kind of a mother I would make.
It doesn’t help a girl when she is told at the age of 14 that she would make a man a lucky wife. Or when her friends are constantly telling her that she is like a mom(which is hopefully a good thing considering how many memories she has of her childhood mom during her teen years involve her and her mom arguing over some stupid thing).
Why is it that She gets this?
Click on the Picture to look at blog all about Female instincts
Is it human nature? Well I wanted to know…so I asked two homosexual gentleman that I consider good friends Riley and Taylor what they thought about Maternal instincts…the reason I asked them was because physically it is impossible for them together to create new life…but I know homosexual men and woman who have considered the adoption option…was the reason natural and necessary…Was the motivation because of a maternal clock that one or both partners shared? When i asked the boys the first thing that came from Riley’s mouth was “oh, I’d drop a baby” and then he went on about how he feels his maternal instincts kicking in when he sees an adorable puppy. he continued to show me the puppy he was speaking of and I agreed that the puppy was adorable…but in me it did not spark the same feeling in my heart that I do when I see the little hands and the little toes. Taylor said that when he is babysitting his maternal instincts click on. Taylor is a lot like most men I know…but I wonder if they ever kick on when the child is not around Or even better…when I watch a man like Mikey Boosalis play with a young child in the gym of my church.
I think of how Mikey or my boyfriend Craig would react when introduced to my child.
I think about my body, my maternal clock ticks when I look at how my mother is still trying to lose the weight of having six children over these last 14 years. I think of how large my breasts will get when they are already large already…my maternal clock ticks when I consider how my breasts may one day have a function. I think about how breast milk fed children are often healthier than bottle fed children.
I constantly think about baby names…when I am watching movies at home or in the movie theatre I like to look at the credits to come up with new ideas for what I want to name my children. I sit and have discussions with my best friend and boyfriends about these names [which may be weird for some but has become something normal in our routine].
Recently I posted a Plurk about one such conversation and which sparked a chain of thoughts in my mind about my maternal clock. I’ve considered having children with Craig many times…but I don’t think I’ve had a moment yet of seeing my unborn children in his eyes.
I’ve seen a future, but what the children look like hasn’t come up.
I’ve had many dreams where I’ve been an expecting mother…I have had dreams and wondered if people would actually treat me as they did in those dreams…fragile, moody…emotional…glowing.
It’s funny because someone randomly registered me for Parents.com and at the house I started getting phone calls about supposed baby products I’d “ordered”…I was royally confused…because I live in a frat house and because my cell is down I’m using the house number as my primary number. It just happened to be that when this happened and I got my first phone call…one of the guys answered…and what did they think after hearing about baby products and me…they thought, oh my gosh Corinne is pregnant! Of course I’m not pregnant! I haven’t had Sex in God knows how long!…wait six months? :P One funny thing was that one of the guys only had guts to ask me if the rumor was true while we were at a party and he was drunk out of his mind. I’d been drinking the whole night, and he still thought that I might be pregnant. Even if I were pregnant the first person who would find out would probably be my babies daddy (hopefully Craig in the future) and second would promptly be my mother or maybe vis-versa considering who answers the phone first. I know for sure that I would not go straight to a PARENTING magazine when there are so many options for new mother expecting their first child And I would never try to get pregnant without having considered and planned it with my significant other (Craig) because I believe that woman accidentally becoming pregnant in a situation that could have been prevented…and surprising a man with her pregnancy while they are still in the dating stages is a form of entrapment. I know that accidents happen but accidents can be prevented.
Disclaimer: I am not and will not be pregnant for many years (I have much living to do) though…I can’t say that I haven’t wanted kids recently in my life…thus the Maternal Clock blog.
Speaking of Theta chi though…I forgot I had collected these opinions from the guys about if they felt that they had a Maternal Clock ticking in their hearts and minds telling them that they should be fruitful and multiply.
Dylan: Yes and no dependent on the guy
Jake: (guy #2) not yet…I raised kids already I don’t want anymore for a LONG TIME.
Fergy: If they’re not make noise…it’s a good thing…if they are screaming…they get to die
Kale: fuck no! I hate kids….I get along with them really fine but I fucking hate them!
Paternal Blog...read it super cute!
When I talked to a friend of mine from Church Mikey Boosalis someone who I’ve seen working well with children for as long as I’ve known him… (Also someone who I think might one day make a magnificent father and who recently became an uncle) he corrected me on thinking that the Male perspective is called the MAternal clock he told me that there is such thing as a PAturnal clock which is the male version of what woman go through. He believes that he does have a paternal clock but not to the point where he wants a child because he thinks he’s too young. He also believes that there are some men who do not have paternal instincts and that they absolutely despise children. Therefore that explains the mixed reactions I got from the guys at my house.
I also talked to another female Kat Boddy and I asked her if she had a Maternal Clock ticking…she said yes and that she thought that thus behavior was prevalent in most woman.
So I’ve come to this conclusion…Woman have a natural Maternal clock when men have to acknowledge their own paternal clocks…
It is perfectly natural for me to look at a baby and think ‘it would be nice to have one of those’ because from a child with our baby dolls we are trained to take care of a feed and nurture something that we call ‘ours’
I think one reason I see babies and have a very very very strong feeling that my Maternal clock is present is because all my life I’ve been struggling to have things of my own. I’ve lost everything that I’ve grown up with and had to start from scratch before…I’ve only really owned a few pieces of clothing that were not handed down to me by friends or family or as Christmas Presents. I’ve only really bought so much or created and brought so little into this world. Having a child is a way of not only having something that is yours forever and that has your permanent bond but also showing the world your potential to make it a better place…for all you know you might give birth to a future world leader…a future president of prime minister.
Men on the other hand with their Paternal instincts are raised to act more macho and manly and independent of emotion in American culture. They will claim that they hate children before they will admit that they do feel an obligation at times to have children one day…A common excuse is that they believe that they will never find the right woman for them…but I feel that men are often to shy and scared to try…they look at a woman who physically could be compatible with them and they go one of three directions…they think about what they have to offer in comparison of other men and they think they are the lessor…they think they are God’s gift to woman and they look at a woman as a sex object or they do the right thing and try…
I like the third option myself…I find that when it comes to a Paternal clock that everyman has one…they just haven’t realized their hidden potential yet.
Who?