You were there

You were everything that I ever wanted

Ever needed

When I was all alone

All I had to do was call you to my side.

Now I’m alone and I wonder if you still miss me baby Miss my whole world

I should have known that you’d let atlas fall.

Should Call

Prince Charming

I was listening to The Band Perry’s song “If I Die Young” and I decided to watch the music video when I’ve found I really like for some reason.

It’s based loosely on Tennyson’s Lady of Shalott Poem it makes perfect sense when you see the book and the poem drying out in the end on that poem’s page…so I decided to look it up and read it.

It’s a beautiful and sad poem and after reading it I wondered if there were any versions of it that we in audio so I could add it to my playlist on itunes or WMP and I discovered a very nice song that uses bits from the poem to tell the beautiful story. At first I was weary of it for the woman spoke in an accent and accents of any kind still really get to me but I really enjoyed it and decided it would be nice to share because I haven’t for awhile.

And here’s the poem itself:

The Lady of Shalott

On either side the river lie
Long fields of barley and of rye,
That clothe the wold and meet the sky;
And thro’ the field the road runs by
To many-tower’d Camelot;
And up and down the people go,
Gazing where the lilies blow
Round an island there below,
The island of Shalott.

Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Through the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.
Four grey walls, and four grey towers,
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers
The Lady of Shalott.

By the margin, willow veil’d,
Slide the heavy barges trail’d
By slow horses; and unhail’d
The shallop flitteth silken-sail’d
Skimming down to Camelot:
But who hath seen her wave her hand?
Or at the casement seen her stand?
Or is she known in all the land,
The Lady of Shalott?

Only reapers, reaping early,
In among the bearded barley
Hear a song that echoes cheerly
From the river winding clearly;
Down to tower’d Camelot;
And by the moon the reaper weary,
Piling sheaves in uplands airy,
Listening, whispers, ” ‘Tis the fairy
Lady of Shalott.”

There she weaves by night and day
A magic web with colours gay.
She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.
She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

And moving through a mirror clear
That hangs before her all the year,
Shadows of the world appear.
There she sees the highway near
Winding down to Camelot;
There the river eddy whirls,
And there the surly village churls,
And the red cloaks of market girls
Pass onward from Shalott.

Sometimes a troop of damsels glad,
An abbot on an ambling pad,
Sometimes a curly shepherd lad,
Or long-hair’d page in crimson clad
Goes by to tower’d Camelot;
And sometimes through the mirror blue
The knights come riding two and two.
She hath no loyal Knight and true,
The Lady of Shalott.

But in her web she still delights
To weave the mirror’s magic sights,
For often through the silent nights
A funeral, with plumes and lights
And music, went to Camelot;
Or when the Moon was overhead,
Came two young lovers lately wed.
“I am half sick of shadows,” said
The Lady of Shalott.

A bow-shot from her bower-eaves,
He rode between the barley sheaves,
The sun came dazzling thro’ the leaves,
And flamed upon the brazen greaves
Of bold Sir Lancelot.
A red-cross knight for ever kneel’d
To a lady in his shield,
That sparkled on the yellow field,
Beside remote Shalott.

The gemmy bridle glitter’d free,
Like to some branch of stars we see
Hung in the golden Galaxy.
The bridle bells rang merrily
As he rode down to Camelot:
And from his blazon’d baldric slung
A mighty silver bugle hung,
And as he rode his armor rung
Beside remote Shalott.

All in the blue unclouded weather
Thick-jewell’d shone the saddle-leather,
The helmet and the helmet-feather
Burn’d like one burning flame together,
As he rode down to Camelot.
As often thro’ the purple night,
Below the starry clusters bright,
Some bearded meteor, burning bright,
Moves over still Shalott.

His broad clear brow in sunlight glow’d;
On burnish’d hooves his war-horse trode;
From underneath his helmet flow’d
His coal-black curls as on he rode,
As he rode down to Camelot.
From the bank and from the river
He flashed into the crystal mirror,
“Tirra lirra,” by the river
Sang Sir Lancelot.

She left the web, she left the loom,
She made three paces through the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom,
She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look’d down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror crack’d from side to side;
“The curse is come upon me,” cried
The Lady of Shalott.

In the stormy east-wind straining,
The pale yellow woods were waning,
The broad stream in his banks complaining.
Heavily the low sky raining
Over tower’d Camelot;
Down she came and found a boat
Beneath a willow left afloat,
And around about the prow she wrote
The Lady of Shalott.

And down the river’s dim expanse
Like some bold seer in a trance,
Seeing all his own mischance –
With a glassy countenance
Did she look to Camelot.
And at the closing of the day
She loosed the chain, and down she lay;
The broad stream bore her far away,
The Lady of Shalott.

Lying, robed in snowy white
That loosely flew to left and right –
The leaves upon her falling light –
Thro’ the noises of the night,
She floated down to Camelot:
And as the boat-head wound along
The willowy hills and fields among,
They heard her singing her last song,
The Lady of Shalott.

Heard a carol, mournful, holy,
Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,
Till her blood was frozen slowly,
And her eyes were darkened wholly,
Turn’d to tower’d Camelot.
For ere she reach’d upon the tide
The first house by the water-side,
Singing in her song she died,
The Lady of Shalott.

Under tower and balcony,
By garden-wall and gallery,
A gleaming shape she floated by,
Dead-pale between the houses high,
Silent into Camelot.
Out upon the wharfs they came,
Knight and Burgher, Lord and Dame,
And around the prow they read her name,
The Lady of Shalott.

Who is this? And what is here?
And in the lighted palace near
Died the sound of royal cheer;
And they crossed themselves for fear,
All the Knights at Camelot;
But Lancelot mused a little space
He said, “She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace,
The Lady of Shalott.”

I see my face coloured pink and green
In the window of a stretch limousine
I wonder who is sitting inside
Then the lights change green
And I cry: Don’t go, wait for me
I’ve done a lot of walking lately

Fantastic and I’m bouncing back like elastic
Because lately things have been dramatic, erratic
I’ve been running on automatic
Fantastic and I’m bouncing back like elastic
Because lately things have been dramatic, erratic

There’s a place I like to hide
Up on the roof looking up at the sky
I like to watch the aeroplanes
Shut my eyes, take off
To a late Concorde, wait for me
I’ve done a lot of dreaming lately

Fantastic and I’m bouncing back like elastic
Because lately things have been dramatic, erratic
I’ve been running on automatic
Fantastic and I’m bouncing back like elastic
Because lately things have been dramatic, erratic

I stagger home after dawn
I’m at the bus stop trying to keep warm
I feel good but I wanna cry
There’s a rainbow up in the stormy sky
But it’s mine and after all the rain comes sunshine

Fantastic and I’m bouncing back like elastic
Because lately things have been dramatic, erratic
I’ve been running on automatic
Fantastic and I’m bouncing back like elastic
Because lately things have been dramatic, erratic

Dramatic, erratic
I’ve been running on automatic

Fantastic, elastic

Recently as I have been traveling with my mother I’ve found that she has been going through a new music phase in her relationship recovery. After my father my mother discovered healing music that helped her self confidence and got her through the day. Right now the artist that heals my mother has been India Arie. Often as I sit with my mother in the car she identifies songs that remind her of me and in some cases my personal life and my relationship.

The India Arie songs that she identified as being for me and for my relationships were really accurate this time and I was surprised…I listed to one of the songs that she said was me and Craig and it brought me to tears.

So here I share “He Heals Me” By India Arie and dedicate it to Craig McCreath: My Love and Best Friend Forever.

He heals me
Told him my biggest secret
And he told me four.
He smiled at me and said that makes me love more
And then he made me laugh
And I knew it was a sign
That he was a man,
That I wanted in my life

And with every passing day
I feel more and more of that way

He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me,
He heals me

I can play him songs, all through the night,
And he will listen to every line,
And even when I’m wrong, he is still kind
He chooses his words wisely when he tells me I’m not right.

And yes he is a beautiful man,
But he is also a beautiful friend

He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me

The moment that we met, he made me smile.
He has so much compassion in his eyes
I have no idea, how long he’ll be here
A season or a lifetime, forever or a year
But for the first time in my life I’m not worried about the future
Because we have such a wonderful time when we’re together
However things turn out, it’s all right
Cause he’s already changed my life.

He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me

I spent most of my day yesterday in my mom’s house sick. I’m still here now and I’ve noticed that being here makes me want to blog about things that are happening to me. When I am at Leo and Tom’s house or at my place in Brooklyn Park I have a very hard time thinking about anything but unpacking, and cleaning. When I’m alone in my mom’s house that is usually already spotless where I don’t have anything but the clothing on my back and the bags I carry daily around It is hard for me to find ways of entertaining myself.

My mom has internet but it is extremely slow and annoying and it is constantly losing it’s signal. My mom has movies but I’ve seen them all. Cooking here is pointless because food is usually left over in the fridge for me to eat. I find myself reading and wasting time of my life playing catch with my smart cats Emmy and Ambross while my old cat Snow watches. It’s a sad existence that I’m trying to get out of. Since just this past week  I finished the book i had been reading Skinny Dip By Carl Hiaasen (Which has a fantastic ending) and since I’m not in the mood to begin my next Hiaasen I took time today inquiring about jobs in the classifieds and practicing my violin.

It is hard to play violin by oneself when there is no music available to you. I kept trying to think of songs that I’d played in the past but without the music available to me I had a hard time creating them like the masterpieces that they are and were when I played them with an orchestra.

I got to a point where I was humming more of the song than I was actually playing. I tried thinking of my life goals for the violin to continue to play it and to join a community orchestra somewhere. To continue to play so I could someday play it for my children while we sat in the livingroom onfamily nights like Laura’s father did in the Little House on the Praire Series. Or to continue playing just to have something that I can do as a talent that may have died since the days when classical music was a primary and popular form of entertainment and not only found on a classical music Am Radio station or in orchestra hall. I thought of why I started…it was because of film I would listen to movie soundtracks and hear the classical instruments and I would go to my older sister’s concerts and see that they got to play really fun movie themes and I wanted to do that. So I thought to myself…what are you goals for playing today? I have played the movie themes and I loved them and I can check that off the list of things I’ve done. I would like to join a professional orchestra but I need more practice to become worthy of even auditioning. I can’t play for my children as for the fact that I have none so I can only play because I find the instrument itself a great release from the stresses of my everyday life.

I attempt something that I’d been wanting to for awhile… a new project to fill my ever growing free time. I am going to try to play the violin solos that I’ve always told myself that I’d like to learn someday. From Kansas’s Dust in the Wind to Brittany Spear’s Toxic.

So yesterday…which still feels like today since it is only 1am today…I spent most of my day practicing the violin solo from Dust in the wind. I’d wanted to play the solo ever since I was in Farming Minnesota at Leo’s family farm and he’d played it for me to sing along to on the guitar. I knew the song as sung but he informed me that there was an amazing violin solo that accompanied it which he later played for me from his Mp3 player back when we got to Minneapolis. I told myself that one day I would learn the solo so I could play it along with Leo on guitar. The easiest way to learn it for me would have been finding the music for it online because  I know how to read music and that would have been the best solution. I found different versions of the song but because of my lack of money and my lack of time to wait for the sheet music to be shipped in three to five business days I decided to take the harder route. I looked the solo up on Youtube and found two great videos that featured the solo.

I played the first video over and over again playing and pausing it in sections until I was able to imitate the same sounds with my violin. And slowly I could play along with the soloist as if I was the one in the recording. Then I went on to practice the ditty almost for what felt like one hundred times over and over again for about two hours until I could play the solo with my eyes closed while skipping about my mom’s house (dangerous).

I got it up to speed and my final test of it was to play it along with the original…I found a good recording of Kansas from the 70s or 80s and I played along with the recording…the first time I didn’t do very well because the recording got ahead of me but the second and third times I nailed it. I think I listened to Dust in the Wind twenty or thirty times in order to deem myself as having mastered the solo…it was a great feeling after having begun the day only have had heard the solo once or twice before. I taught myself how to play it by ear.

I’m going to post the three videos I used and later I’ll record myself and maybe Leo playing Dust in the Wind to post on here…Being home and without webcam I felt that this was an accomplishment worth blogging about and since it is quiet here and I have the time, why not?

The Violin Solo Video I used first

Kansas: Dust in the Wind (The Link to the Version of the Song I tested myself with second to see if I’d mastered it)

The Mixed up solo that I used last

A Spent the rest of the night Playing a Christmas Music book I’d found in a corner. When my mom got home I showed her what I’d learned and she told me that she’d always thought that the solo was played by two different violins…She was impressed and now I can’t wait to show Leo!