Corinne's Blog

I’m finally getting to a point in my life where I want to be known for leaving behind some kind of legacy. I want something to be left in my life that shows that I had some kind of talent in something and the one thing that I’ve been wanting to finish that is constantly sitting open on my desktop is my novel.

I started it about Two almost three years ago after telling a bedtime story to my little sister. The story has grown and evolved quite a bit since i began typing it up and it’s taken many surprising and exciting twists and turns for me to realize that it might be part of the legacy I leave behind. It’s based loosely on my past relationships with men and what kind of a person I one day aspire to be, Though it’s not one hundred percent completed I feel that there is enough of it done for me to submit it to a publisher, I’ve been looking around at publishing companies and I found a good one for independent and first time writers called the Coffee House Press.

I called and learned that all the information I need to submit my story would be on their website. After writing a creative synopsis of my story including what I intend to do for the ending which I haven’t written down/ typed yet I submitted my work to the press. The website says that it may take up to 3 to four weeks for a selection to be read that is over 30 pages. I submitted three times that so I’m hoping to get a really good amount of feedback back when I get rejected, because that’s actually what I’m expecting, I’m expecting to be rejected and for the feedback to help me improve my novel enough to resubmit it another time.

I can’t wait to hear what other have to say.

My computer is currently in Texas under repair so I haven’t been able to work on The Colored Sands of Isabel Candace for a little while…which is okay because sometimes writers need to take breaks from certain projects to pursue other things, while I was sick a few weeks ago I’d had a dream of an idea for a new story, because my computer had initially broken when I was sick I’d taken a lot of the free time I had writing out with pen and paper my first draft for this new book.

Tonight Mark was nice enough to lend me his HP mini which is a newer version of the same computer I currently have in the shop (I wish him better luck with his). Anyway, I took the time I had tonight typing up some of the pages I’d written down and I want to share the what I’ve written on here for people to read if they are interested:

I haven’t thought of a title for this one yet but I’ve titled the file “Celebrity”.

So here it is and I hope you enjoy it:

NESS-DANIA

They were late, she knew it was her fault but she’d never admit it, he knew it was her fault but she was the pop-star/actress and she would never take any responsibility for it. They had a ten am flight out of Los Angeles. He’d been up and dressed at five am, she was sleeping. He’s has both her and his own belongings packed, checked and double checked by 7am. At seven thirty he’d made his first attempt to wake her, a cannon could have gone off and an Emergency Medical Technician pronounce her legally dead she was so unresponsive. At eight o’clock he attempted it all for a second time only for her to rollover and sleepily ask for ten more minutes, he gave it to her because she was the princess and he wasn’t in any mood for any drama do early in the morning on such an important day. It was around that time that he finished preparing breakfast, he brought it into her around eight twenty three and placing it on her side table and fanning the delicious morning breakfast aromas in her direction he hoped he’d be able to use her stomach as a took to wake her. Stirring up her appetite was the right idea for by eight thirty he has her sitting up and sipping orange juice in bed. He was surprised when she didn’t say anything about the pulp still being in her orange juice, for she’d swore up and down and had thrown a glass at him earlier for having not taken it out just a day or two prior. He figured she hadn’t noticed in today’s morning drowsiness. She’d been surprisingly more alert that one particular morning of the orange juice incident than she normally was and he was happy to see things returning back to normal. He made his mistake that morning in leaving her in the room to eat breakfast and dress herself in the clothes he’d taken the time to set out for her the night before. He’d been seeing someone who’d told him that he was becoming to much of a servant, groomsman father and not his own person, At the time he hadn’t put much though into the advice cause even though she’d been his therapist he couldn’t make himself take anyone seriously who was in the process of unbuttoning her shirt for him. The morning of the orange juice incident as Ness cleaned the pulp out of his ears and hair that advice the therapist had given him finally registered and he made up his mind to start becoming his own person. He was young, handsome and he owned a business that was finally beginning to pay off albeit his investment in the time he took with this particular girl was a hefty part of his paycheck, yet he had to work on himself. He’d still made a mistake in thinking he could trust Dania to think enough about her own schedule to know that she wouldn’t have enough time to eat, shower, dress and do makeup if she started it all at two minutes to nine when they had a ten o’clock flight out of LA. At ten minutes to nine expecting to see her dressed and ready to go Ness walked back into Dania’s room to find her sitting in her bed still in her pajamas taking her time more playing with her sugar rice than eating it with her ear buds in he ears the volume blasting rocking out to his latest competition, he’d picked the wrong morning to let her handle herself and to become his own person.
It was then that he opened his phone and called in his favor with Cecilia a stewardess he’d met the last time he’d had to travel to New York. “He Cecilia Babe, I’ve been missing you so much how have you been baby-girl it’s Ness, *pause* it’s great to hear all that baby cakes I’m totally blown out of the water that everything is going so well for you in life *pause* Well honey Cece girl I was just giving you a call because I need a huge favor and you’re the first and only person i had on my mind….” Is how the call happen to begin, Dania sat watching Ness as he slyly talked his way back into the stewardess’s heart, his charming demeanor not only permeating the phone conversation but taking over every inch of the way he carried himself as he held the wireless contraption she could tell that she’d done something wrong but she couldn’t put her finger on it and she couldn’t make out all that he was saying but seeing the look he gave her when he hung up that phone was enough for her to know that breakfast time was over. By 9:45 Ness had Dania dressed, fed and loaded into the taxi for the airport. Flashing a Benjamin in front of the driver Ness advised him to be generous at what speed he wanted to take them on their way to the airport. “The speed limit is overrated” he heard the driver chime as if he was a doll and Ness had just pulled his voice box string. The taxi’s engine started and they were off.

CORI

The morning alarm clock hit 6am and Cori let it ring he’d already been awake and lating in bed for ten to fifteen minutes starring at his bedroom ceiling. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the previous night because of the anxiety and nervous anticipation he felt deep down to his core for his next few months work had the potential to be life changing for him and he knew it. He felt in no hurry to get out of bed for he had nothing more to get done in preparation for his day’s trip. He’d taken some of his free time the day before to make sure everything he’d listed to have brought from his past week’s Chicago trip was still in his suitcase and as he lay listening to the alarm buzz he recalled how on numerous occasions while he’d been to his production meetings and auditions in Chicago how many times he wished to be out of the fast pace of Los Angeles and actually somewhere real. Not that Chicago was any smaller or slower than LA it was just that he wasn’t a cut throat person and he was getting tired of the cities cut or be cut personality. In many of his experienced with the place he’s realized that everyone was only in the business for personal gain. He had not friends outside of his crew and investors and even they were all business. Yes, the weather was nice and the woman totally head over heels pushovers when they discovered he was in a well paying position in the movie business. Bue he was tired of having to flash his director status in order to make people want to be around him. He tried it all and it was all become far too much for him to handle. He was tired of the late night clubs and cocktail happy hours and the suits whose people never called his people. He’d been in LA now for nearly five years and was happy to admit that he’d come a long way from the bright eyed twenty two year old film student he’d been when he’d first arrived. He’d learned how to walk the walk and he definitely knew how to talk the talk, people said that his small town personality was what got him far but he was never ever asked where he was from, if asked he’d say that he was from a rough part of Minneapolis and that he’d been lucky enough to be granted a scholarship to UCLA to study film based off of his amazing independent work in high school. Looking back at those days Cori remembered how everything was and how he’d imagined everything was going to be in the big city, LA would always be LA and he wasn’t getting any younger to be able to keep up with it, the city simply wore him out now.
Maybe this would be his big break. He’d finally be able to buy his plane ticket to anywhere and slow down a bit, or maybe he’d stay in California. If he stayed he’d probably settle down and live off nothing but royalties from this big picture,with some great gal who he bumped into in a picture perfect way. Maybe when the time was right they’d move out of his high end apartment in the city and into a three of four bedroom fine Spanish colonial revival house in the California suburbs and start a family of their own. He’d quickly be replacing his filming documentaries about his world with documenting the people in his life who meant the world to him.
The alarm clock continued to buzz in Cori’s ear as he drifted out of his fantasy dreamland, looking around his small one bedroom studio apartment with it’s outdated orange and pea green late seventies, early eighties carpets and old dusty Venetian blinds he rolled over and turned off the alarm clock and as he did the realities of his life really began to settle in again as he began his new day. The realities that he’d be working his butt off to make ends meat and all he’d imagined was as far from reality as a wet dream.
Cori was up and out of be by 6:40am, had showered, shaved, dressed and brushed his teeth and was eating a breakfast of leftovers and black tea by 7:14, He would have had a little orange juice but he’d been out of it since the last time he’d been in town and he hadn’t had the time to go get more. He wrote a note to himself on a post-it to go grocery shopping and stuck it on his fridge as a reminder for when he got back, He quietly cleaned his dishes turned on the automatic light changer which he’d purchased the last time his house had been burgled, they hadn’t taken anything for there was nothing to take but he wanted to remain on the safe side. He picked up the fishbowl which sat on his lonely coffee table in his living room area and grabbed his suitcase in his other free hand, wishing his extremely comfy studio apartment goodbye he closed it’s door and locked it behind him.

Before heading down with his suitcase to his little moped and sidecar he took a moment to drop Hitchcock the goldfish off with his neighbor Becky from 3b. Cori had been leaving Hitchcock with Becky for all his business trips and not long after he’d rapped on her door did she come to answer him in nothing but a tasseled bra and a pair of bikini underwear with pink and white polka dots. Cori has grown used to his appearance of his neighbor and he near nakedness did not phase him. He kept his regular friendly eye contact with Becky as he always had with his neighbor for he understood that it was her work attire in the naked therapy practice she ran. Becky had begun the practice after learning through a lot of personal and professional research that men were often more inept to listen and take her professional and personal advice before and after sex than they ever had when she’d been professionally dress for he position as a licensed therapist. In the past she’d had sessions with clients in the regular matronly business attire that most women of her profession had,she’d give a man the advice that he needed to hear but often didn’t want to. Some of the advice she gave didn’t register and after many months of hard headed therapy she’d find that she’d eventually lose the client. On some occasions after she’d lose a client she’d be asked out on a date by the client for there was no longer a professional relationship in between them. After dating her former clients and often becoming intimate with them she would find herself the subject of all their baggage again but this time as someone that the men believed they could now trust because they’d taken the time to make such a connection with her. Becky had discovered that even though she’d given the same advice to the men as she had when they’d been her clients it was only after she slept with them that anything ever began to register and the men began to make positive changes in their lives, Becky liked the fact that they’d actually finally taken her advice and made changes for it but she wished she could find some way to get paid for the effort she often put forth listening to men weep and cry to her when she only felt like rolling over and sleeping. That’s when Becky realized that she could get paid for doing the things she truly loved to do and was good at. The business she’d created gave men the open and intimate environment where they could seek companionship and advice from a woman who could be both lover and mother. Becky was able to show she could be a great therapist, she was able to make people feel great about themselves and she loved that she was able to show off the amazing lingerie collection she’d been collecting over the years, even the ones when she’d been a normal therapist. The naked therapist was about to allow men to poor their hearts out and weep and coddle the breasts of a woman that took them back to even some of their earliest stages of mental development, and to healing of very deep seeded wounds. With Becky cut throat Los Angeles business men mentally reverted back to a time when they felt safe in their mother’s arms and they often re-found their inner innocent child.
Becky found that she didn’t usually even have to revert to having sex with her clients anymore for she’d become an expert in the art of tease and seduction, unfortunately if a client began to show unhealthy signs of obsession or feelings for her she’d have to let them go as a client and on some occasions she’d take them under her wing for her own personal enjoyment. Becky had even started to cater to the needs of both men and women. She wasn’t a lesbian and none of her acts with women were sexual in nature, all she’d do with women is help to empower them with body issues. She’d teach women to love their natural bodies and love themselves from the inside out. Becky would counsel women in how to deal with their rocky relationships, she taught women how to read and handle men in a way that the men didn’t know that they were being handled. She taught women how to understand the needs of their significant others, she’d even been invited to teach a class on empowering women to get to really know their men and connect with their men in the bedroom. She’d named the series “pillow talk.”
Cori thought the idea was extremely unique yet he’d never taken the time to utilize Becky’s services he liked their relationship where it stood of just two neighbors who had formed a strange friendship over the shared custody of a goldfish. He was proud of Becky for her dedication to quality work in her profession and he admired her as a working woman.
She happily accepted the deposit of the fishbowl and Hitchcock within and with a smile turning to Cori she said in her soft professional voice “You need to stop leaving this fish on my doorstep or he might begin experiencing some serious abandonment issues.” Chuckling a bit Cori said what he’d said time and time again, “Papa has to bring in the paycheck of the bills won’t get paid.”

“Hitchcock knows that mama loves him…” Becky said in an adorable baby voice at the goldfish who could have cared less. Then placing the fishbowl on the Table in her Living room which she’d predecorated with different sea ornament over a indeterminable about of time she swiftly walked back to Cori grabbed his face with both her hands, turned his head and gave him a long and unexpected kiss on the cheek, wiping off the excess red lipstick which was the only thing she wore boldly outside of her lingerie and heels she winked at him and said “Come back to mama safe and have fun.” Cori wordlessly nodded his response and turned down the hall with his suitcase now and nothing but a big blush on his face. He wondered if one day he’d ever take the time of reconsider his relationship with his beautiful and smart neighbor, maybe sometime when he got back he’d schedule an appointment with the Naked Therapist Becky. He knew he had a lot of stress and tension to work out of his mind, wiping his cheek with his sleeve he gathered the rest of the red lip stain she’d missed and shoot his head to himself.
When he’d finally made it down to the ground floor and into the parking lot, it didn’t take him long to find his little moped right in the spot Cori had gotten into the habit of normally leaving it, he’d been given a parking spot but the area felt too big and he had given it to someone else in exchange for a subscription to get a fruit basket sent to his place once a month, Cori was happy he’d made the deal especially when he’d forgotten to go grocery shopping, but what did he expect from LA where everything was business? His suitcase fit snugly in his usually lonely empty sidecar, strapping on his moped helmet he fired up his little blue buddy and started out to the international airport.

I’ve been working on my novel and everything seems to be coming along smoothly. I’ve already passed the 400 page mark and I’m getting to the part where Isabel and Oliver finally realize that they are in the company of their childhood friend in each other.

They will soon be married :D
and my novel will soon be over.

I have a lot of friends and friends of friends who have editors who can read and work on the book for me…I want to finish it all before the end of the summer and before the snow falls.

I’ve already put out an ad on Craigslist in order to employ an illustrator, after getting sixty emails and responding to them all and looking at the work of maybe twenty plus artists. I’ve found three potential illustrators, I’m absolutely in love with one of them.

I think I might employ two of them, and let the third down easy.

I never thought that I’d ever get to this point in the novel…it’s been three years and before it was more of a hobby. When Leo was alive I’d first started typing it on his old computer. I thought of it after telling Cynthia a bedtime story. I was still with Craig then and the story sparked a lot of it’s plot and character from my friendship with him. Now that Craig and I are no longer together the dynamic of my story has also changed a bit…I’m debating if I was to do a sequel to the book that doesn’t have a happy ending or if I was to just make the book that much longer to keep it more realistic and talk about reality.

We’ll see.

If anyone who reads this is interested in getting a version of the book when it gets published signed by yours truly I’m creating a list of mail addresses to send copies to.

But I’m still looking for a good publishing company first.

:D

Picking up books that I find scattered across the floor of my room I see the author’s names and I can’t help but imagine my own name on the cover of my own book one day.

As many of my readers may already have known I’ve been working on a novel that I began after telling my little sister Cynthia a bedtime story. I’ve been working on this novel for a few years now and the sad fact is that even though I have the whole plot down I am having a hard time just getting it out of my head and into the computer.

Originally I’d had plans to post the whole story on my blog for everyone to be able to read but because it isn’t copy written yet I want to keep it safe and out of the hands of evil people who might try to steal it and get it published themselves.

I’ve begun to give it to more and more people to read (at least what I have so far) and they tell me that it’s a great read and that I should hurry up and get it published.

I’ve begun reading it out loud to the children I’ve begun babysitting on Thursday and Saturday nights. The children are a set of male twins age 6 and their ten year old older sister. I love reading my story out loud to them because it makes it easier for me to go back and change spelling errors and sentences that don’t make sense, plus I’m getting a lot of positive and constructive criticism from the children and a lot of fun Ideas that I’d like to add to my story (they don’t just listen to the story…they yell out what they’d like to see happen or said in the story as I’m reading it and I can easily add things when I hear something I like.) The ten year old is really eating the story up but I’m kind of nervous about how far I want to go with my character’s relationship as they get older. In my story my characters begin their friendship as children and that friendship grows into a deep connecting love. After the characters grow up they eventually get married and have children together. (I apologize if this is a spoiler.)

The problem with my novel is the fact that It has the potential to become quite the steamy romance while at the same time it is a really cute bedtime story as it’d been originally told. The question I am asking myself is Do I want to keep my storyline PG or do I want to make it into a teen romance or adult romance for a more mature audience?
Personally at first I thought it would just be a romance novel. I remember I began reading romance novels when I was around eleven and in middle school and my obsession with romance has continued to now. The thing about romance novels is that there are a wide range of them and the ‘innocence’ levels as I like to call them are very different. Some romance novels have slowly budding love that becomes friendship then eventually the people get together, others start passionately as soon as the protagonists first meet. In Christian romance novels the main characters usually get married before the novel writes about any steamy consummation sex. When the first romance I read I believe was ‘forever’ by Judy Blume shows the reader that sex isn’t always part of what love and being loved is.

I don’t really remember the last romance I read because I went through a stage where I was more interested in reading all of the Carl Hiaasen collection. Carl Hiaasen is my favorite author and i find that his style or writing along with my love for romance has been part of what sparked how I’m writing my characters. Though Carl Hiaasen doesn’t really write direct romance he has many aspects of romance in his novels. His characters usually find love or something like it by the end of the books though they originally hadn’t intended to. It’s Carl Hiaasen’s characters that keep me intrigued and my characters in my novel are what the ten year old I babysit says are her favorite part.

My characters have the potential to keep any audience entertained and I’m hoping I’ll be able to continue to write them in a manner that makes them appropriate for people of all ages.

I wrote most of my characters based on people I know or have known in my life. The characters have changed as I’ve met new people and I’ve changed the development to fit different personality traits I’d like my characters to have. As I’ve changed My characters have also.

For example Craig used to be the basis of one of my characters Oliver and as I was writing Oliver’s character and back story I literally just took things out of Craig’s life and I took Craig’s mannerisms and I even asked Craig exactly what he’d think in certain situations. Sadly though Craig and I are no longer together or talking and Oliver’s character has kind of become the embodiment of the kind of guy I’d like to see myself marry one day. Oliver has become a little bit of everything I admired in my past boyfriends and I wished I’d be able to one day obtain.

Since Craig and my love story didn’t have a happy ending I’ve been debating whether or not to give my characters a happy ending or a realistic human ending that has the potential of not being positive.

My mom suggested that I write two sequels where I go through what life had been like if Oliver and Isabel got divorced. Or if Oliver and Isabel had had a good life and continued on with the happy ending.

Though it’s hard to show a person’s love story without getting into aspects of reality I’ve found that the hardest thing I’ve had to teach myself to express in writing is the way a person feels when they first encounter that initial mental and physical attraction to their counterpart. The fact is that sometimes people just get horny and I’m having a hard time determining what would be appropriate to say if the audience has the potential to be fairly young.

Hopefully I will find an answer soon and get this baby published.

It’s been about four or so months since Craig has broken up with me, and in these last four or so months my life has taken on a completely different rhythm. At times the paths I take are sad ones and I find myself going back to the old good times and regretting that I ever began a relationship with Craig in the first place because it resulted in a lot of pain.

Part of Craig’s efforts to get over me was to erase me from his life completely. He cut me off and cut all ties. This was a drastic and devastating way for him to go about things and I feel that he was selfish in this act as he was all the acts of our relationship. I know personally I would have had a better time getting over the relationship if Craig had let me go slowly and had given me time for acceptance and a time to say goodbye. (But that’s a whole different can of worms)

It’s strange how a person can simply cut you out of their life like that, now I have a small feeling of how my father might have felt when his family didn’t want him around anymore as if he was cramping our style.

I’ve learned though through this experience that some things are for our own good even if we don’t want them.

My personal strategy for coping wasn’t as blunt and brutal. Personally I spent some time slowly depriving myself of the things in life that reminded me of Craig. Recently I’ve begun reintroducing those things back into my life again.

It’s amazing how much of my life I changed because I couldn’t stand the pain that came along with doing those things.

Like accents for instance, whenever I was around a person with an accent I made a point of walking away.

Some musical groups I have yet to remember that I listened to, and in hearing those groups again I am reminded of how Craig influenced my soul and infused himself into my style.

Still today I like things that I know Craig would like and I pursue things happily that I wouldn’t have had Craig not changed me. Like ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ Signs being a part of interior design and trendy…and anything having to do with making your office or living space more functional or zen…all those things I tend to associate with my life-time with Craig.

I stopped watching some of my now favorite television shows because I was introduced to them by Craig or we spent a lot of time watching the episodes together…such as Fringe, Firefly, Dr.Who and How I met your mother. I got tired of making fun references to the shows in my everyday life and not having anyone around me understand them like Craig would.

I adopted the likes and interests of many of the people who I coexist with in my everyday life, like people from my church and my house mates. I started experimenting with different kinds of music and a different way to dress in order to discover a new style that could be uniquely my own. I tried new foods and went out with a different kind of crowd entirely so I could see if I was capable of doing so. I got drunk in public and I got fun and I shared myself with people. I tried to be genuine in everything I did and I felt good knowing that I could shout from the rooftops that I am a Christian without having anyone put me down for living under a belief system like Craig did…often though I might make the excuse that it was indirect and unintentional.

It’s strange that I speak about Craig now because I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t talk about him all that much because it spawns a strange hatred for humanity in me that I don’t feel is of a Godly disposition. I’ve had a few talks now with my mother and a woman named Julie from my congregation where they told me that my being so honest and open is a bad thing for me because It shows that I have no control over my emotions and that I have a hard time showing digression. I feel that that is untrue about me…I will never tell a secret on my blog if it is told to me…most secrets I forget a matter of hours after I get them because I feel it is useless to gossip. I will never betray anyone I love and who trusts me. I will always tell the truth even if it hurts, and I will be real and open and truthful about how I am feeling even when it makes me look immature and irresponsibly. Consider me to be A star sapphire on the emotional spectrum and quick to anger. (Chris’s influence)

I think I bring Craig up now because I yesterday I was able to spend some time with the Ex boyfriend of my best friend Heidi, Nate.

It sounds a bit strange that I am now really good friends of my best friends ex boyfriend only now after they’ve broke up but certain factors have changed in both our lives that made it easier for us to relate to one another and bond on different levels…we came together to support each other because we needed each other. And the universe brings strange people into your life to be guardians and comforters(Like Jake Babcock, Ian Morris and Vincent Rumfelt.)

Nate and I were both in interestingly dysfunctional long term relationships where the warning signs were everywhere. Nate and I both decided to work through our problems in our relationships because we both felt that in our relationships the bad could be worked through to get to the good. My philosophy was that relationships were hard work and people don’t have to like each other all the time but they could still love each other. In Nate and Heidi’s relationship things were ended mutually after four years and Nate claims that he could see the warning signs coming from a mile away and that he allowed his breakup to happen because he was ready for it to end when my personal relationship was only half that time and I had no clue the end was coming and I wasn’t prepared for it whatever…but the tall tale signs were there and now that I think about it I should have seen them.

The thing that both Nate and I struggle with is that when we were in our relationships we were both blinded by the love we had for our former significant others and because of that we put up with a lot of (forgive my french) Crap that we didn’t deserve.

Nate and I hung out and we talked about relationships and why and how people have the ability to grow stronger from them. We talked about finding our 2nd true loves in life and we pondered if life was actually cruel enough to leave us old and alone.

Both Nate and I have pretty much the same goals and aspirations about what we’d like to find in the next person we decide to commit our time and ourselves to. We talked about what we personally needed to work on when we were in our relationships…our problems that contributed to the dysfunction.

Nate told me that Heidi had shaped him into a certain kind of person yet that he’d learned that he was the person before she was around and that he became a better person because he was able to share that part of himself with her.

So I thought about my Deprivation and about myself at fourteen when I first started chatting with Craig. I thought about the person I may have become had he not been there to help, guide and make me want to be a better person.

And I stopped depriving myself from the things in life that made me happy…and surprisingly they didn’t hurt.

Catching up on my Fringe Season 3 today was a blast and it didn’t hurt me. I wondered to myself why I’d missed such a great show over something so small as to the fact that Craig and I used to watch and talk about the show all the time.

And I listened to The Bird and the Bee again and OKGo…staples of my Scotland soundtrack.

And I’m working on my killing my clingyness so I can have a productive relationship without smothering Whoever I end up with.

I am ending my ex boyfriend deprivation and I’m finding more of myself in the new blend of my old likes and new likes.

So today I was looking at my Google reader and I was looking at my different feeds. One of the things I’ve decided to subscribe to is the Urban Dictionary so I can education myself on the world’s ever changing urban banter.

I’ve gotten into the routine of regularly checking the dictionary for new words and today when I got on I read a word that pegged me to a T.

It was exactly what I was doing when I was dating Craig.

See the word is Hiberdate which is a baby of the words Hibernate and Date when they are joined together.

The Urban dictionary defines Hiberdating as a verb meaning someone who ignores all their other friends when they are dating a boyfriend/girlfriend.

When I was dating Craig I wasn’t a very good friend to the people with which i used to socialize. In a way my whole world revolved around Craig and how I’d be building a future with him for an extremely long time. But now since my world has come crashing to a tragic end I have found myself lost and without the social network of friends I had before I was dating Craig.

I’d like to take some time to become more of a better friend as Corinne and not just as that girl who is dating Craig.

Sadly Craig was a huge part of my circle of friends before and for now that void won’t be filled easily. Craig seems to be doing fine without me though, as he always has seemed to.

When and if I get into another emotional relationship with someone, which I don’t feel I’ll be able to handle for a long time I’d like to remind myself not to be the type of person to hibernate but rather to be the type of person who still keeps my consistent friends.

I know it won’t be easy but I’m hoping to make some connections with old friends soon and once again.