I was thinking about how the year is coming to an end and everything I’ve done in the past year and accomplished and everything that I hope to accomplish in the next up coming year.

So Like I’ve done in years past I’m going to write down some solid New Years Resolutions for the year of 2012.

It’s said that 2012 may be the end of the world because that’s when the Early Mayan peoples stopped calculating on their calendars but I don’t believe that to be true.

But I’d still have to say that my first New Year Resolution for 2012 is to

1) “Simply Survive“…I just want to make it through 2012 is one piece, alive and healthy with a stable enough life like I have now. The next time I’ll be writing a list of resolutions two semesters in school and a Summer would have passed and I may or may not be where I want to be to be able to sign up for the MCTC nursing program. I want to live my day to day without getting super depressed that I’m not making any progress, I want to look at each day in a more positive light.

My 2nd Resolution: Would be to
2) “Not be a quitter”- Whether this is in my relationship with David, at my workplace(s) or in my school work I’d like to keep going with everything I start until I succeed, and if I fail I’d like to know that I made my very best effort.

3) “Enjoy Life for what is has to offer” This past year I can honestly say I didn’t have many adventures, the whole year outside of a time I went to Michigan to represent my church I’ve been in Minnesota, and what I’ve been doing here has mainly been working, going to school and watching a lot of movies. I’d like to be able to get out and enjoy Minnesota for what it has to offer me, I want to explore new parts of the city and enjoy the weather. And create a new outlook on life even during the boring times.

4) Get out of Debt: I recently looked at my expenses again and in order to figure out how much money I’d need to make a month in order to continue living the life I am and still be able to save for a car or a new apartment in the future. I discovered that If I continue on I’ll be able to get out of all my Debt to Hamline University, to MCTC and to the Various Hospitals and organizations I’m a part of that I haven’t been paying by this time next year if I keep my consistent hours at working at Minneapolis Kids at Burroughs and working at my new workplace. I don’t want my pushing to get out of debt to interfere with my ability to do well in school though, this is the only thing that worries me I’m going to get so overwhelmed and wrapped up working that I’ll have no time for school.

5) Learn How to Prioritize.- Most people who know me know that I value strange things and I prioritize things that I value rather than what I should be prioritizing to make life easier on myself. I value my relationships but I don’t value my family, I value what I do with my money now rather than worrying about how I’ll save my money for the future. I also Value work over school which seems to make life harder because I need to do well in school in order to do better work. I’ve learned a lot of these life lessons over the past year and I’d like to be able to say ‘first things first’ and actually know where I’m going to go when I need to place value on things.

6) Lose More Weight: I’m proud to say that though an unhealthy weight I have maintained the same weight for the last few months and over the summer I actually lost weight. This past year I was a member of a gym called LA Fitness and because of some financial difficulty that I’m still trying to get out of I’ve found myself once again without a means of working out. I do do a lot of walking on a regular basis and I find myself jogging to and from the bus stop often but that’s not enough. I want to find some means of exercise which can be incorporated into my everyday routine, maybe it’s rollerskating because I discovered I am good at it and that I enjoy it or maybe it’s just biking like my housemates do 24/7, I don’t know. Part of that is the simple step I can take of eating more healthy, David said that he could help me with that and I’m hoping to get a George Foreman grill because David swears by it. In general I just want to GET FIT.

7) Get even More Organized than I already Have- This past year I’ve come a long way in maintaining the clutter that is my room. I have installed and organized to the point where everything now has a decent place. I realized though that when I move in the future that I want a place with walk in closets. Or I want to be able to build myself walk in closets because a bulk of my bulk is clothing and I don’t feel like getting rid of much of it now. My room currently is so small that it constantly needs to be converted for me to be able to do simple things such as play a board game, sleep or watch television on my computer. I’m getting tired of having to move everything around in order to do simple tasks so I want to eventually maybe in the next year find a place where I can have enough room to roam and be able to store what I want to to bring out later. Getting more organized may help me manage my stress better, calm easily maintained environment might mean a calmer me.

8) Maintain relationships: I’m proud to say that unlike last year where I was getting over Craig I have a great man who though he has his faults I’d like to keep around for awhile and have adventures with. I’m not on that search for a boyfriend “Thank God.” and i’m not wondering what the wide world of dating has to offer me, instead I’m in a perfectly good spot in my relationship with David and I’m finally starting the see breakthroughs in how he and I communicate and understand each other as for dating at this point I’m going to keep things open I’m not looking for anyone on the side but David said that if something better comes along that I should take it. So far nothing better has come along that can be long term. I think that’s what I’m looking for now, not just a boyfriend who will be around for a few months who I give a lot to and who leaves, I want something that will last more than a year. David and I have potential to last more than a year, three months have flown by and I think part of it is because we are able to give each other enough space to live our separate lives. Though I’d like to see parts of our lives coming together more like him meeting my family and me meeting his family for now I’m pretty content with him coming over and spending time with me. Anytime at all can be hectic I know with his crazy law school schedule. Part of that maintaining this relationship would be not being so clingy and demanding so much of David, it’s hard because it seems to me that David thinks my wanting anything at all is from him is being too demanding …that’s something we have to work on.

9) Find Church again: I didn’t write a blog about being kicked off the worship team because I thought getting into a big fuss over it all would be a huge waste of my time. I didn’t write a blog about not attending church because of a lack of motivation to do so because I didn’t feel it was something that was worth blogging about just yet and I’ve been busy and haven’t really had the time to blog as much as I wish I could. I was kicked off the team because Matt and Peter think that I need to become reconciled with something in my life that’s going on before I can help lead a congregation in worship.  They think I’m going through some sort of spiritual battle and they think i should seek some kind of counseling. There’s nothing crazy going on in my life right now that isn’t normal for someone my age to be going through, I’m experiencing life as everyone else does and I’m trying to get by. Counseling is expensive and unnecessary in my particular case because anything a counselor might say to me is the exact thing I could discover by making mistakes and learning those life lessons on my own. I accept that things aren’t perfect in my life and that I have a lot to work on but that’s the same for everyone that God put on this planet. I am in a relationship and it scares me that I might be trying to commit myself to a person who might not be meant for me, but I’m experiencing it because even if David isn’t “the one” I’ve learned a lot from the relationships I’ve already experienced and the experiences I’ve had have taught me much about what I am looking for in a partner.

I’m looking for a love in a man and I am looking to love a man just like those famous passages in Corinthians 13 talking about love:

¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I see a lot of good things in David and I hope that over time I will learn to love him or that through my experiences with him I’ll be able to better love another. There is no loss of faith in me in that respect and I don’t need to go to church to know what I should seek in LOVE.

I’m working and my coworkers are frustrating at times when they make my job harder and cause me unwanted stress. They are mean and inconsiderate and lazy and I can honestly say if at times if it weren’t for work and the fact that I might lose my job, I would quickly curse some of them out for acting the way they do. They aren’t the worst kind of people for they do have the abilities to make the children at my work place happy but they aren’t good to me and some of my other coworkers. They do good but there isn’t much love in them but for those who are their own and mean like themselves. I’ve watched and I’ve taken a lot of shit because of their wanting to make someone look worse than themselves. I don’t need to go to church every Sunday to know how I need to deal with them because being in church as I grew up I’ve learned that Jesus instructs me to Love my enemies in Luke 6:27:

²⁷ “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.²⁹ If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.³⁰ Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.³¹ Do to others as you would have them do to you.

³² “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.³³ And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that.³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full.³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

So at work I’m learning to turn the other cheek and so far being nice to those who mistreat me, though it isn’t always easy has kept me my job for the last year and a half.

I’m also in School and though it’s hard I don’t need to go to church to know that God created me to do good things and produce good fruit from all my hard work. I have a good heart because of God and what I produce in the world will be good it says so clearly in the Bible.

 ⁴³ “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. ⁴⁴ Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. ⁴⁵ A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

All these things I’ve learned to deal with over the years and God has taught me many lessons about how to deal with people in those settings and in those situations.

Learning about God in church in my life has taught be a lot.

I have enough knowledge to deal with my day to day struggles so I don’t feel I need to attend church every Sunday I’m taking a break from Church for awhile. I need to find myself and reestablish a positive relationship with God on my own and where Gods place in my life is. I want to get out of thinking about church in a legalistic way where I hate that I can’t be myself in church and everyone pretends that life is just so fine and dandy and no one can really says what they want to say to a person’s face.For example: when my mother was planning on putting my cat down I was against it, that was this summer and I vocalized my feelings to her and the cat still lives today and is doing much better than she was a couple of months ago. And when my brother didn’t want to go to college and instead decided he’d rather join the military because he’s afraid he can’t afford to go to school I was against it, and the many soldiers I know (except Jason) were also against it. I want to go to church when I know I can really praise God again and not have to worry about How the way I’m living my life will reflect how holy and great the church itself is. We all make mistakes and God is helping me through mine in his own way and his own time. I don’t need the people at my church judging me. It’s not that I’m no longer a Christian I just haven’t been going to the Christian gatherings because I don’t feel that they are genuine anymore. But this next year I’d like to find a way to come back to church whether it’s a different church or not I’m unsure.

For some reason when I think of the church now I think of what Jesus said : “The Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath.” Meaning that I can do what I want on Sunday as long as my heart is there. And I can have communion with bread and grape juice whenever I want to at home, every meal I have can be my communion…I still pray I still believe I still want God to be in the lives of the people I love and care about. I believe that God blesses me daily. Enough said.

10) Learn to Love myself: Which means taking care of myself and thinking about what I deserve rather than what others think and want. I hear that is the only way I’ll find self esteem and confidence in this world, apparently everyone says I don’t know myself and that I’m afraid of my own company and as soon as I find myself I’ll find where I’m going in life. So that is definitely a goal.

My New Schedule Spring 2012

Last year around this time I’d just been broken up with my my ex boyfriend Craig, This year I am happy to say that I’ve been blessed with a handsome, caring and intelligent new boyfriend, David. Though David is unable to join my family and I this Thanksgiving because he’s busy doing work for law school I was blessed to be able to see him on Tuesday and he might grace me with his presence Friday also. I’m grateful to have a boyfriend who I can physically see and touch and interact with it’s a total turn around from having a long distance boyfriend who I could only interact with online. It’s nice to have someone I can actually reach out and touch who can touch me back when I want and need it. It’s great to have someone to hug and hold hands with, I’m Thankful this Thanksgiving Holiday for that ability.

My new handsome boyfriend David

I am also Thankful for my job. Though I have a sometime messy and frustrating job I’m thankful that I’m doing something at which I’m good. I’m really great with working with children and the fact that I am surrounded by children and I can play and do fun art projects with them really makes my life more exciting. Even though many of my coworkers are cliquey and even though every little thing I does seems to warrant a meeting with the boss and a threat of losing my job I’m thankful for being able to destress and take my job one day at a time.

I’m Thankful to have a roof over my head and good housemates who take the time to acknowledge my presence. Matthew one of my housemates who is a little older than me and at a higher level in school as I am at MCTC even tutored me through a Chemistry assignment the other night. And when he was making pizza he shared it with me. I am thankful for good friendly conversation that I get to have with my housemates (all except Alton who doesn’t talk to me) in passing.

The day our front tree lost all it's leaves.

Though I absolutely hate my commute, especially now that I’ve had my wallet stolen off a bus I’m thankful that I have a way to get to and from work and I pray that by this time next year I’ll have a brand new car to be thankful for.

I’m thankful for the ability to be able to go to school and get a decent education. My being in school this semester has really shown me that with the right work effort and established work habits that I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to. I’m praying that with God’s grace I’ll actually pass the Chemistry exam that is coming up in a few weeks.

Nutrition Flashcards

I’m Thankful for family, My mother has been there for me when I’ve needed her this past year. I appreciate that bonding I’ve been able to do with my brother Eric while being on the worship team. And though she’s a pest sometimes I’m grateful and Thankful for my little sister for looking up to me and missing me, it makes me feel special. I hope next year I’ll have more to write about Tiffany, Evan, Tyler and my father Ronnie.

I am thankful for being alive under the grace of God and I hope I continue to live to make a positive difference in the world.

I’m Thankful for the friends I’ve had this last year, though I’m not able to see them as much as I’d like to I’m thankful that I have people in my life who check up on me and text me wishing me a happy Thanksgiving and who tell me they care about me. Adam M, Heidi W, Alex J, Mikey B, Ian M, Byron T, James, Cori, Alisa, Julie K, Peter P, Lucy, Tymisha and Dean, and all those people who I forget to mention. I’m Thankful for the people I get to interact with on a regular basis and I wish them all a great and happy Thanksgiving.

I’m Thankful for good food and decent weather, though I get tired of the snow of Winter about one third of the way through it because I must stand outside for Minneapolis Kids recess I’m Thankful for the changes in weather and that I have eyes to see the beauty in the weather. I love that fact that I wake early and I’m able to see the sunrise and that I get to go home and see the sun setting. I’m thankful for being able to enjoy all parts of my day and that I have well working sensory organs.

I’m Thankful for my church, and the people who support and counsel me even when I don’t feel like getting counselling. I’m Thankful that God created those people and brought them together for his purposes. I’m also thankful for the world church as a body working together to being the truth to all nations.

I’m thankful for our nation’s history and the leaders that are currently trying to lead our government even through all the grief and fault that take for the nations problems.

I’m thankful for those who are brave enough to stand up and fight for what they believe in, whether it be the Occupy movement or the oppressed peoples of other countries. I appreciate and am thankful for having a voice that can be heard even if I am small and even if I think I’m insignificant.

I’m Thankful for my past relationships that are no longer for making me the way I am.

I’m thankful for the ability to laugh and smile and feel pain, and cry and live a human life with all it’s roller coaster ups and downs.

I’m thankful for where God placed me in the world and where he’s put me in life, I really have goals set and I’m thankful that I’m taking the steps to accomplish the way of life I’m striving for.

I have a lot more that I’m thankful for, but I’m going to go make some cranberry mold and baked pumpkin with my little sister Cynthia.

I wish everyone a pleasant Thanksgiving.

This is my projected schedule and it proves I’m busy, busy, busy!

This is my schedule plus what I used to do at Euphoric Ambiance which is currently no more.

MY SCHEDULE

I was searching for a job in anyway I could, I would walk around to places I’d dreamed of working and I asked for applications, I looked through jobs magazines and I applied to almost every craig list job posting that sparked my interest.

Luckily which was unexpected I was offered hours for the summer 2011 and again for the August 2011- June 2012 school year.

When I’d applied I hadn’t received any feedback way back in April and then all of a sudden in August I get an email offering me an interview for a receptionist position. I take the interview and I get the job.

Now this job was the best thing to happen to me and I was even more excited that every week on Friday that I’d receive a paycheck from one of my two positions. Everything for a few weeks was going swell and i was even picking up extra hours, but then one of my paychecks came in and it wasn’t correct. And then my coworkers started complaining because they were being added to the schedule without any notification of the changes made.

Being the Receptionist in a business where the manager/boss never shows up and you’re not filled in on anything is extremely hard, My boss Muzique was lucky she hired competent people who knew how to problem solve or the first week her business would have closed down because one of her receptionists didn’t even show up on the first week the business was open and was instantly fired and one of her therapists didn’t show up and was also instantly fired. My boss had a no tolerance policy for attendance absences and because she had a habit of firing people many of us who were left found ourselves picking up the slack.

I worked many times forty hour weeks when I’d only been scheduled to do seventeen hours on one weekday and on the weekends.

Basic maintenance things didn’t get completed like laundry being done and new products being bought on time. When the computers went down the first time we blamed the internet provider but when the internet was put back up and the music system was taken away because it wasn’t paid for I knew that I was in trouble.

Everything seemed to be shutting down…then I learned we’d been stealing internet from the neighboring company. And that we never had our own internet and they only changed the password.

Then my hours changed after she hired someone new and I was barely working and when I did work I was doing major damage control. SO ANNOYING to have to fix what another receptionist messes up. But it wasn’t always the other receptionists it was often the computer software itself that continued to allow people, civilians to schedule appointments under staff members who have been let go of.

When I tried complaining about my check being wrong I was told that she wouldn’t be able to pay me back all at once.

People were getting frustrated with the service and my coworkers were getting frustrated ‘at me’ about the lack of management.

It was all falling apart around me and I had no control over it.

I offered to do more hours to do more damage control. The bad receptionist quit after having a breakdown and walking out…I came in and replaced her and fixed everything from that day. Because the music system was shut down I brought in my own cd roms.

Everything was finally fixing itself and I was getting into a great routine of fixing major problems and turning them minor and then there was a Sunday I was working and the key went missing.

I called my boss, She told me to call everyone who worked and ask them. I did and everyone said that they had no clue where the key was.

Then I called my boss back and she told me to lock up like it was locked up but not to use the key as I needed to.

I did as I was told and the next day I get a call that the computer was stolen…the main computer, well all the employees have laptops they can use and the company would go smoothly as possible if they ran the business from their personal computers.

But instead my boss stops all shifts until further notice.

And a payday comes and goes and I don’t get paid.

I hunt down my boss and she tells me I should come get my check from her at the chuckie cheese where she’s playing with her daughter. Why is she playing with her daughter when her business is falling apart?

And the shifts are never un-paused and I hear from a fellow coworker that the shop is going out of business. And I call and call my boss but she doesn’t answer or return my phone calls.

She owes me money and she’s not returning my phone calls. So I begin emailing…no response.

this is getting really annoying.

So I call my coworkers and they know even less about what’s going on than I do.

Then I hear that my boss is looking to open at a new location.

What about my job? What about my money? Am I fired? Do I have a second job now? Should I start looking for another position?

This whole thing is just ridiculously messed up. Then I read about the scam that is my company online. And I really wonder who and what kind of entity I was working for.

Why did she do this to all these people? I haven’t paid my rent because I was expecting money from her, I was paying rent with my money from my second job and tuition with my money from the first job. This is all just getting worse and worse.

I haven’t been able to make up the money that I would have gotten from her and I’m 100$ short on my rent for this month and I owe rent now again next week.

This whole thing is ridiculous, I should go to the police I want to get paid for the work and hours I put in.

Why isn’t she answering my phone calls?

When I did so much hard work to work for her?

I hate this. Money situation is tight because of my new old job.

I’ve been participating in the praise and worship team and even though my throat has been hurting me and I’m becoming a little worn down from being ill I always know I can find a place in church behind the music.

Surprisingly though I was invited to take up a position that would give me a lot more responsibly. Julie Kurtz one of my sisters in Christ at my church told me that It would be a good transition for me as more of a leader in the church. It’s about time I stepped up and took on more at the church. I already volunteer when I can, at the church picnic this year I’ll once again be working with the kids, during the Aldrich Arts Collaborative stuff I’ve tried to get involved but that’s way different than this.

Last year my church received a grant based on our efforts to become a more reconciled and multicultural, multiracial body in Christ.

The Calvin Grant has helped us explore new mediums of worship and learn a lot about ourselves.

We were invited last year to a convention for those seeking to win the grant and after winning it we are invited back this year to talk about our experiences with the programs we did with the grant money.

I was asked to be one of the representatives from my church to travel to Michigan and attend the convention.

This is a big deal because I need to prepare my heart and my mind to know our vision and the information on the grant and how our messages of reconciliation are spawned from our wanting to be more like God and his image to the world.

At first I didn’t fully understand the commitment I was making, in my mind this was just a vacation…but then I read the grant and I met with Julie and she asked me questions that really opened up my mind about how I look at my congregation and how I personally think things are working in our church. I need to look at the whole situation from a biblical perspective which I’ve always had a problem with. It’s not as if I don’t read my bible, it’s just the fact that I’m not really good at quoting scripture out of memory to support my arguments.

To prepare myself after reading the original grant proposal I’ve been looking through the notes that were taken after we did each special voices Sunday. I’ve been reading the book United By Faith which Is a little more challenging a read than I’m used to…but is a book which I would say is a must read for anyone of the Christian faith.

On top of that I’ve been trying to read my bible and understand personally what I feel is God’s message for the future of the Twenty first Century church.

It’s been really hard and I actually and learning a lot about myself in this journey and a lot about God and Jesus’s life on Earth and what I say that I believe in as a Christian.

And the more I learn the more motivated and excited I am that I have chosen such a clear straight and narrow path in following Christ.

I feel like an adult and much less of a kid because many of my questions I’m finding answers to on my own in my reading and research.

I am beginning to feel myself developing a solid foundation in what I believe and what I don’t believe.

Yesterday in Church Jermaine Ross preached about how he learned how to hear God’s voice speaking to him though he was always being told different things from different sides and people about who God really is.

I feel that I am learning how to hear God’s voice clearer. Though I know I still have a long ways to go.

Anyway there are a number of topics I’d like to cover and this is going to be the first of about seven new blogs talking about what’s going on in my life.

First off I’d like to write about the fact that everything is turning out the way it needs to even though I personally never saw it all coming about this way.

I had been praying for a really long time that I’d be able to keep my job working with Minneapolis Kids over the summer. I was informed at the beginning of March that Minneapolis kids wouldn’t have any hours available for me to work and that my job would be ending in June. I was weighing my options and applying for different Summer jobs when my house mate Scott told me about available positions in Alaska at a local fish packing plant. The reason I was even considering the plant is the fact that it would mean my receiving almost three grand for working a short six weeks.

I needed the money in order to go back to school and pay my rent over the summer.

Going back to school was important because I wouldn’t be able to get benefits and aid through my work until I became permanent, on top of that I’d be able to get a pay raise. One reason why I’m not already permanent staff at Burroughs is because I’m missing my college credits to qualify. So I needed to get back into school! Taking this last semester off was necessary for me money wise but put me further behind in getting into the MCTC nursing program.

I had a lot of pre-nursing classes I still had to take that I wanted to take over the summer.

If I’d be working at the plant I’d need to find someone to sublet my place while I was gone and I’d also need to come up with a means of taking care of my belongings while I was gone. I wanted to go to school over the summer because i’d skipped the Spring semester and I had prerequisite classes to make up, going to Alaska would have made that impossible.

Alaska became my last resort because I wanted to look at all my options before I jumped into a job that put me behind for applying for the nursing program next Spring.

So I prayed to God to help me figure out a summer job for me that would be flexible and help me pay my summer rent. Any job was better than no job at all, I also prayed that I’d be able to return to school at least by the fall but preferably this Summer.

It wasn’t even a week ago that my boss Colleen called me into the office and told me that a position had opened up on the staff for a 7-11am shift. She told me that she didn’t want to lose me next Fall for the school year after losing me over the Summer because I was one of the best staff members she had. She also told me that she loved the work I’d done with the kids and was looking forward to seeing what I was able to do over the summer. I was so happy about the shift because it meant that I’d be able to keep my job over the summer! I was even more happy to hear that it was a solid 4 hour shift and not a split shift like I’d worked last summer and over the school year. In the split shift i’m in already I work from 7:15-9:15 and 3:15-5:45. Split shifts make planning things in the middle of the day difficult. Everyday in the midday makes me feel like I’m still at work and that I’ll have to be returning to work any minute, like I’m on a long lunch break.

So God clearly answered one of my prayers in working out work for me.

On top of that and weeks earlier  God had answered another one of my prayers.

Before I had been offered the job I was still trying to figure out how I was going to pay off my debts to MCTC if I was going to be returning to school in the fall. If I was going to Alaska i’d need to find extra rent money before leaving and money didn’t seem to be coming from anywhere.

So I was in a huge debate with myself go to Alaska and work, and almost lose my place to live…or stay at home and work (to keep my room) and not pay off MCTC till I find the money.

I did my taxes and everything seemed to be getting clearer.

After my refund money had come in from my 2010 taxes I had originally thought that my Summer rent problems were fixed…I’d pay my rent off my tax money and I’d live off nothing for the summer, come Fall I’d pray that they’d offer me my job back at which point I’d pay MCTC and get back into school.

Those were my original thoughts, i realized that i’d still need to find a summer job to be able to afford to pay off my debts at MCTC and return to school because in the fall i’d still be making the same money I make now which was only enough to take care of my rent…I needed extra money on top of my tax refund money that would only cover Summer rent.

My mom advised me not to sit on the money I’d gotten from my taxes. She told me that I should just pay my debt off to MCTC right off and she promised me that she’d help me pay for the summer rent that I’d be losing. At the time I hadn’t yet been offered my summer position so I was simply planning to go to school and live off the remainder of my tax money. Alaska was out of the picture.

So I paid off my debt to school for the fall semester 2010 and registered for Summer classes 2011.

Luckily I was blessed that my boss then offered me the 7-11am shift because I was registered to be in school from noon till 7pm already.

So to make a long story short.

I don’t need to worry about summer rent anymore because I am keeping my regular job over the summer only with different hours than I had over the school year which is good because they are in the morning and give me my whole afternoon free for personal things and school.

I am going to be able to go to school because I used my taxes money to pay my debt to school and get the hold off my account and I registered for classes for afternoons in the summer.

So I’ll be working mornings and going to school afternoons…I have no debts or worries about rent.

Now to write about my social life…

Recently though sadly I was informed that I may not be able to keep my job coming up this upcoming summer. Last Summer staff members were in demand at my school but this summer because of the newly hired staff at my site that are employed under the tier system as tier 1 snd tier 2 employees and with the limited available hours I am not guaranteed any hours for this next summer. I will be needed again come fall but for the summer I will be unemployed. This is terrible because Minneapolis Kids is currently my only job and it’s been the only way I’ve been able to pay off my rent these last few months.

Without my job I will lose my place to stay also.
I’ve been recently beginning my search for a new job though I will totally hate to leave Minneapolis Kids this next summer.

The only thing that’s helped me feel calmer about the whole situation is a passage that Peter Park sent me in a facebook message. The passage is from Matthew chapter 6 verses 25-34 The passage is able anxiety…and reading it helps me remember that everything is in God’s hands ultimately. Not that I’m not looking for a job still…I am but, this helps me put things into perspective.

Matthew 6:25-34 (English Standard Version)

Do Not Be Anxious

25(A) “Therefore I tell you,(B) do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26(C) Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.(D) Are you not of more value than they? 27And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his(E) span of life?[a] 28And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29yet I tell you,(F) even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you,(G) O you of little faith? 31Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For(H) the Gentiles seek after all these things, and(I) your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33But(J) seek first(K) the kingdom of God and his righteousness,(L) and all these things will be added to you.
34(M) “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I‘m praying that I can find a good summer job soon, that will also allow me to return to school to finish my generals for nursing.

I was part of a sisterhood and it made me feel like a member of a life long family.

The hardest part about leaving Hamline University was leaving my sisters at Delta tau sorority, they always gave me people to talk to and go out with and they gave me something to do on Sunday nights…I wanted to be president of the sorority one day and I could see myself growing old knowing these women.

I feel that I’ve let my sisters down this past year. I thought at first that I’d be returning for a second year at Hamline but because I couldn’t afford it I decided that I’d take a semester off of Hamline and try to raise some money to go back.

During the time that I was trying to find a good well paying job to be able to afford Hamline again, the prospect of my moving to Scotland came up and my focus completely changed from…being back in school with my sisters to being with the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with, Craig. I know at the time I was being really spontaneous and that I put a lot of pressure on Craig. And I know that it wouldn’t have been easy for me to start again in a new country and a new school without missing my sisters.

As most know Scotland didn’t end up working out, because I got deported when I got to England…the UK didn’t even give me a chance. And because of that I didn’t end up going to school in the UK either, and I ended up simply getting a summer job and trying to find my feet again. I could have gone to my sisters then and asked them for their support. I could have reapplied to Hamline but the cost for me to attend would still be too much for me and education at Hamline wasn’t what I saw myself doing anymore.

I loved the environment at Hamline but I felt that Hamline had forgotten about me.

As crazy as this is, as soon as I left Hamline everyone there didn’t seem to remember that I existed, so I decided to let them go.

I didn’t attend any events because I was nervous that they wouldn’t accept me as their sister anymore. At first I was actually busy working, I needed to raise money to get back to Hamline, then I was busy working because I needed to raise money to get to Scotland and then I was just nervous and scared at what it would be like to go to an event and meet all the new sisters.

I also still owe money to Theta Chi for summer rent and I feel terrible about it, especially because I still don’t have it now.

I want to go back to Hamline to be an active member in the sorority again but right now I’ve started a completely new career path.

I’ve started a nursing program and the last I checked Hamline University doesn’t offer any support in the medical field. They do not have any nursing classes and I feel like I’d be good in nursing. Already I’ve started my clinicals to become a nurses assistant and I’ve come out of them with flying colors.

I wish I had an excuse as to why I haven’t been by DT since I left…I’m nervous and scared that I’ve lost them as friends. But I still feel like they are my sisters and I love and care for them all. I’ve been watching them…kind of from a distance in a non creepy outsider way…wishing that I could be at their parties and outings…wishing that I had those moments back that made me feel like I was actually part of the college life. MCTC isn’t like college to me because I don’t feel like I’m a part of it all, there is no real campus to be a part of.

I want my sisters back and I’m considering trying to take a class or two at Hamline part time while I’m working at my sciences pre-nursing so that I can become an active Delta tau member and be a part of it all again, even though it will probably cost me an arm and a leg.

Spring semester at MCTC is coming up and so is Spring semester at Hamline. I’m wondering if I’ve completely severed my ties with Hamline or if they’d still welcome me back with open arms.

And then there’s always Craig…He’s still waiting on me to come to him, I know he’s not willing to give up anything in his life to come to me…and I’ve accepted that and I’m willing to sacrifice my life here in Minnesota to be with him…one of us would eventually have to anyway.

I still want to be with my sisters, and I still want to be a nurse and I still want to be with Craig in Scotland.

I’m conflicted about what steps in life I should be taking.

Monday -Sunday: Have Collin and Caylie

Starting Sept 14th: 4:30-9:00pm Nurses Aide Classes.

Sunday Mornings: Church

Sunday Nights: Life Group

Tues, Thurs at 7:00pm & Sundays at 3:30pm : Personal Training with Von Gillette.

Where is my schedule going?….Down the pooper.

What is am I going to do? I’m way overbooked and stretched way too thin.