So I just overheard my mother telling my little brother that she is writing out her will. I was kind of shocked at first because that would mean that my mother is contemplating what will happen to her and her estate after she leaves us and dies.

Recently with my mother be diagnosed with Cancer I’ve been trying to avoid the situation by acting like there is nothing wrong except that my mother has patches of her skin missing now because of tests and such…and because my mom is constantly in pain and can only handle little touching…hugging her is even hard now. I’ve been avoiding it because I want to be able to focus on the life that is and to not think of the life that may not be.

Gosh, with this will thing I think it just hit me that my mother has cancer and that I might lose her like Craig lost his mother.

I had a big discussion with Craig the other day in which he told me about how his mother did have a will but how he hasn’t seen it and how he half expected there to be some sort of letter waiting from his mother to give him closure after his mother’s passing. When there was nothing there Craig was disappointed and upset.

Right now my mother is writing her Will and in her will she will probably include a letter to each of us children to comfort and prepare us for life to come…to provide closure, she will also be establishing her estate.

I wonder what kind of position she puts me into in the family in her will for after she leaves. I wonder if she puts me in charge of the kids or gives me the animals. I know she doesn’t have a lot of money to leave behind. I wonder if she thinks well of me and I wonder what she’d say to me if she knew that she would never see me again and that I’d be devastated to see her go.

Gosh…I wonder what she is writing down…I hope I don’t have to read it for MANY MANY YEARS.

I am sitting here in the living room watching Walk in the Clouds and wondering why it is that recently everything I’ve been watching is having to do with big decisions and life changing moments. Why should one have to long so much for the one they love? Why are people so lonely by nature and why do they put themselves through emotional agony when they believe that someone is truly the one.

If it is Right it’s right.
Amor…si me llamas amor
Love, if you call me love

si me dejas amarte, mi bien…yo te voy a adorar.
If you let me love you, my well… i will adore you.

Las estrellas nos veran asombradas
The stars will look at us, amazed

la noche y el dia seran llamaradas
The night and the day will be flared-up

Candor… si me das tu candor
Innocence, if you give me your innocence

si me dejas amarte, mi bien…yo te voy a adorar.
If you let me love you, my well… i will adore you.

Amor…si me llamas amor
Love, if you call me love

si me dejas amarte, mi bien…yo te voy a adorar.
If you let me love you, my well… i will adore you.

Las estrellas nos veran asombradas
The stars will look at us, amazed

la noche y el dia seran llamaradas
The night and the day will be flared-up

Valor… si me das tu valor
Courage, if you give me your courage

Si me atrevo a quererte, mi sol… te voy a idolatrar
If i dare to love you, my sun… i will worship you

Los angeles nos traeran la ternura
Angels will bring us tenderness

Las flores nos vestiran de dulzura
The flowers will dress us with sweetness

Chorus:

Contigo voy a soñar con que rubes
With you, i’ll dream that you blush

Contigo voy a pasear en las nubes
With you, i’ll walk in the clouds

Contigo voy a pasear en las nubes
With you, i’ll walk in the clouds

Contigo voy a pasear en las nubes
With you, i’ll walk in the clouds

Amooooooooor… en las nubes
Looooooooooove… in the clouds

____________________________________________________

Good article:

Take the leap today, girls

Scottish tradition has it that on February 29 a woman has the right to propose marriage to any man she likes – and if the would-be husband refuses, he’s liable to a 100 fine.

But marriage counsellors and wedding industry experts say modern women aren’t waiting for a leap year any more.

Instead, they are increasingly likely to pop the question themselves – and choose the ring.

The leap year day tradition stems from the fact that February 29 was not a real day and had no status in English law, therefore normal customs had no status either.

It was commonly believed that in 1288 Queen Margaret of Scotland had decreed that any woman could propose to any man she liked and he could only refuse if he was already engaged.

Subsequent searches of the acts of the Scottish Parliament have failed to unearth convincing evidence that this unusual decree was issued.

Women popping the question to their partners is no longer regarded as anything out of the ordinary.

Internet provider AOL conducted a survey of 7000 people that found 59 per cent of women and 48 per cent of men thought women who proposed were modern and confident, rather than “scary or intimidating”.

And Bride To Be magazine editor Amelia Bloomfield said their research showed that 60 per cent of couples chose the ring together.

“I think women feel that they want to be more involved,” she said.

Little wonder, when the average cost of an engagement ring is now $2500.

Australian Institute of Family Studies researcher Lixia Qu said 72 per cent of Australian couples now lived together before tying the knot – a “tremendous increase” over the past few decades.

Her research found, conversely, that the longer couples stayed together, particularly after the five-year mark, the less likely they were to expect to get married.

 Gilbert and Sullivan devotees in Sydney are holding a once-in-four- years party today to celebrate the birthday of one of the characters from The Pirates Of Penzance.

Frederick’s birthday brunch, at Balls Head Reserve at Waverton, is being organised by members of the Savoy Theatre at Chatswood.

The character Frederick was born in a leap year and is trapped by a contract that won’t release him until his 21st birthday – but he’d be 100 because of the leap year anomaly.

So Life doesn’t seem to be getting better for me so I’ve decided to make a decision that will drastically change my future.

Because of some problems I had with scheduling last semester and my lack of financial stability Hamline has decided to pull all of my financial aid for the 2009-2010 school year. Not only will I not be able to afford paying for college I won’t have the ability to make even enough to support myself since Hamline on top of that is next year shortening the available student worker positions.

So the decision that I feel that will be best for me right now is to leave Hamline and to go to another school. I feel terrible that I have to make that particular decision but with the current situation of my parents being divorced and my mother moving to a new place and both my parents not in a financial situation to help me out in any way, I feel that I have to take matters into my own hands and do what would be right for me.

I’m moving.
The moving part isn’t as drastic as the where part. I have decided that in a couple of months I will be moving to Scotland, United Kingdom and out of the United States.

Wha?! May be the response many people might make when they see that I have made this decision. Crazy…I thought I would be at Hamline for five years, finish my education degree and THEN move to Scotland…but because of recent financial matters having to do with Hamline an my lack of the funds to pay for such an institution. That’s not happenin’

At twenty years old I feel that I am old enough to be more than able to be  living on my own. I have for over a year and a half now I feel that I am old enough to make such a decision.

It’s is very interesting that I am considering making this move Again when I had planned it before when I was in High school. My plan right after high school was to move to Scotland and go to school there…but I ended up staying to be closer to my family. This past year I’ve realized that my relationship with my family can remain the same regardless of where I am. Even though my mom was recently diagnosed with Cancer I feel that it is important for me to leave now.

A lot of people in my life may be thinking WHY SCOTLAND? well, there are many reason why I could be picking Scotland as my destination to get away from my current life situation and to try to start anew…some of those reasons may be that:

• -I have a significant other in Scotland who is my closest and dearest friend of 6 or so years and who I have been dating for almost a year in Oct.

• -Or that I had gotten accepted into a college in Scotland to study abroad but because of my lack of money to pay for the venture I was unable to go.

• -Or because I feel that moving away from my problems with my family may solve them.

But my reasoning behind the move is much better than that…last year I took a trip to Scotland in order to visit Craig and his family. While I was in Edinburgh Scotland I absolutely fell in love with the City. I feel that traveling to the UK will open up a doorway to the kind of lifestyle I’d like to lead later in life…traveling all around the world and exploring new cultures while I am still young, and happy and physically able to do so.

It has always been my dream to travel the world and I feel that my lack of resources financially as a child made it difficult for my parents to take us kids on vacations. I’ve never been to a tropical island with my family.

Luckily as I got older my mother worked her butt off so that I’d be able to go with my orchestra to such places as Saint Louis and Greece, Germany, Northern Ireland and later to Scotland where I plan to be moving. She gave me a sneak peak at what many people in the United States often find themselves missing out on all their lives. I don’t want to be stuck in America my WHOLE LIFE! I know people who don’t know the world outside their city block and they don’t seem to be striving to make anything more of themselves. I want to see what branch out and be the ambitious social person I’ve always been known to be.

I can’t say that being closer to Craig and his family isn’t a plus in this whole situation. Craig and I have been dating for almost a year it will be a year in October, he is and has been my dearest and closest friend for many years now. His family has become like a family to me. I really appreciate the way his family has taken care of me. Craig’s mom treated me like her own child when I was there and I was lucky that she was able to send me recipes Craig’s favorite dishes before she died because I want to try them out when I get over there. Craig’s dad was a father figure that I  haven’t seen in my own life for many years. Craig’s father is strong and inviting and he always has a great story to tell. I really appreciate how Craig and his dad get along. When I hugged Craig’s dad at the airport as I left Scotland to  head to Ireland he asked me to come back soon. I will always remember that moment :D. Craig’s sister Claire’s being so close in age to both Craig and I have made it easier for me to get to know and like her, she’s awesome at shopping and I hope we can spend more time together when I get there, she is a great friend to Craig while he is living in Dundee and she has a lot of will power and strength that I admire. I’d think that Claire was Craig’s age at times in the way she acts. They are like twins and I love their relationship as siblings.

As for Craig, I love him and being nearer to him could only be a positive thing because six months apart from the one you love is a hard thing to do. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

When I was applying for my Visa I realized everything I had to do in order to make the move as smooth as possible.

the first thing was that i was going to have to determine my goal in going to Scotland. Was I going there to Study, to work or to reside until I wanted to make up my mind on what I wanted to do with my life. Considering my current financial situation being the reason why I needed to withdraw from Hamline University in the first place, I found it very important that I am financially stable before I try applying to another college. So I decided going to Scotland to study right away may not be the best decision. Instead I want to work for awhile and get myself on my feet in the culture and in my new residence. second, I did not want to apply for a Visa and say that I am only going to Scotland to work, because at the moment I do not have a job lined up but I do have a job in the works for later. So I have made up my mind that I am going to Scotland to live.

People keep asking me why I can’t just stay in Minneapolis with my family or in Saint Paul “to live” but I feel that Scotland is the only place where I will be able to find myself and get myself out of the spiritual and emotional funk I am currently in. I am constantly depressed and lonely even though I am constantly surrounded by people. While I’m in school I have become a Hermit who only comes out of my den when I have something to do with members of my sorority or on a class project. I am a very social person and I need attention and I need companionship and friendship and I found no one last year who stuck around me long enough to make a connection that was more than just skin deep and temporary. Even though I will throughly miss my Delta Tau sisters and the members of Theta Chi I know that I will remain friends with them even after I go because the lasting family bonds I’ve made with them and the memories will never fade when I have left. I will make an effort to write and keep in touch with all of them while I am gone, they have truely gotten me through this last year of school.

My relationship with my siblings has gotten progressively worse because I have somewhat of an overbearing mother complex. I was raised in an environment where I often needed to take care of things myself. If I needed to get somewhere I needed to find my own ride. I would stay after school doing any activity that I could get involved in so that I wouldn’t have to go home and deal with the stresses and the hardships of not having any money. I remember going home to a house where there was no running water, gas, or electricity. I wouldn’t invite my friends over because I was ashamed to show them that I was living in a 3 bedroom apt with my mom and three (4 w/ sky) siblings. We would burn candles at night for light and do whatever we had to do to cook and get hot water to bathe and get ready. I remember going to school and doing my hair early in the morning because I couldn’t at home. Because I was raised in that kind of environment I became a more mature female figure in my house. I worked, cooked, and did chores that needed to get done. I provided money for field trips and stayed home to watch over sick children…I even disciplined. It was these acts that separated me from my siblings and created much rivalry between us, during the time that my brother Tyler is supposed to be rebelling against his mother he is rebelling against ME his sister because I have become his mother figure. He no longer takes any orders from my own mother because since she isn’t strong enough to defend herself against my father he feels that she is unworthy of such a position he considers her more of a friends. He feels that he is the real head of the household even though he acts as a boy in a man’s body with anger issues like my father. I feel that I have taken too much from my brother like my mother took and took and took from my father. I am tired of being treated wrong and I feel that the healthiest way for me to escape the drama is for me to leave the equation until Tyler realizes that I am not his mother but I am his sister.

When it comes to Cynthia and Eric I wish i could be a better part of their lives. They are stuck in the middle of something that is bigger than them and I hope I can be a good example for them in telling and showing them that there is a way to get out of it all and to be happy. I think Eric is on his journey to discovering that on his own and I hope that Cynthia isn’t a lost cause. I am following my dreams and the messed up situation that I came out of hasn’t hindered my judgment.

This is one of my main problems because I lacked friends who were willing to venture into Minneapolis to come see me I found that all I would do when my family did have power would be to sit on my computer and chat with the person who has become my best friend Craig. My siblings would treat me life garbage because that was the example my dad left behind as an impression for anybody who helped and supported my mom. Craig got me through some of my hardest times and it was his encouragement that would help me wake up in the morning. He made me feel special and he knows me better than my mother even does. Craig was the reason I began taking pictures and wanting to document as much of my life as possible. I would only write blogs with hope that he would read them. I would only post pictures with hopes that he would see them. It got to the point where I would check to see if he was online every few hours and that my mother would change the password to the computer and give me a bedtime so that I wouldn’t stay up all night talking to him about GOD KNOWS WHAT. Craig became to me my childhood and the only fun I found that I could have.

Yeah, I did plays and got involved in music…but that was only to help me overcome my loneliness.

When I was in Scotland last year everything seemed to be perfect…everyday was an adventure and all the pieces fell into place. Even though I had some hard times {losing me passport for a short time} and feel a tad bit homesick I never felt the loneliness that I’ve felt being at home and being hurt by my brothers and sisters. Or being in school at my dorm and having my own roommate move out on me for no expected reason and then having no one invite or include me in anything. Mel was my only friend in the first semester but even her and I drifted apart. People like Kayla S would be nice to me then would try to spread all of my personal private secrets to everyone.

I looked forward to Sundays because I could go to Church, Church has been my saving GRACE this past semester and has saved me many times from wanting to disappear from the world all together. Singing in church this past year has given me a purpose and people like Mikey Boosalis, Jacob Babcock and Kyle Parsons have been there to get my back and be there to listen to my rant and hug me when i cry and give me the wisdom that they have I remember Mikey turning to me and telling me some story about him being alone during a church service and I had no clue  what he meant and how it purtained to my loneiness situation but it was the way that he said it that lifted my spirits and gave me hope and put a smile on my face. Jake Babcock was always there to let me rant about how life sucked and he told me ways to make it least suck and Kyle was my spiritual angel who appeared at one of my lowest points spiritually to pick me up. It will be people like them who I will miss the most but it is people like them who I will quote and remember as I make new friendships and trek new pathes.

I need to escape the drama of my father’s situation and how he wants to create a friendship with me even though he has done so much to hurt my mother in the past even though she did what did not only for her children’s betterment but for the betterment of her husband my father as well. She did all she could to offer him opportunities to become a better person…she took therapy, she made us kids take therapy and we realized that we had found closure with ourselves but my dad had refused it. I’ve seen him do wicked unGodly things and I’m not ready to accept him back into my life just yet.

So I am moving to Scotland and it is the best decision that I feel that I’ve made in a long while. Tell me if you think I’m wrong and for what reasons…I’d like to know your opinion on this whole situation.

Dear Craig:

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but your nostrils are insulting. I think I realized it When I threw up In your apartment and I saw you Drive out my John F. Kennedy-statue. I’m sure you’re ashamed enough to understand that I’m open. I’m returning your love letters to you, but I’ll keep the oil stocks as a memory. You should also know that i always wanted to break A passionate interest for mice.

Your everlasting enemy,
- Corinne-

RULES:
Tag no less than 5 other people.

-> How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear (number one person on your friends list):

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2_____3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .

___12___,
-Your name-

1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue – Our romance is over
Red – Our affair is over
White – I’m joining the monastery
Black – I dislike you
Green – Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey – You’re a pervert
Yellow – I’m selling myself
Pink – Your nostrils are insulting
Brown – The mafia wants you
No shirt – You’re a loser
Other – I’m in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January – That night
February – Last year
March – When your dwarf bit me
April – When I tripped on sesame seeds
May – First of May
June – When you put cuffs on me
July – When I threw up
August – When I saw the shrunken head
September – When we skinny dipped
October – When I quoted Santa
November – When your dog ran amok
December – When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos – In your apartment
Pizza – In your camping car
Pasta – Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers – Under the bus
Salad – As you ate enchilada
Chicken – In your closet
Kabob – With Paris Hilton
Fish – In women’s clothing
Sandwiches – At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna – At the mental hospital
Hot dog – Under a state of trance
None of the above – With George Bush and his wife

4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow – Hit on
Red – Insult
Black – Ignore
Blue – Knock out
Purple – Pour syrup on
White – Carve your initials into
Grey – Pull the clothes off
Brown – Put leeches on
Orange – Castrate
Pink – Pull the toupee off
Barefoot – Sit on
Other – Drive out

5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black – My best friend
White – My father
Grey – Bill Clinton
Brown – My fart balloon
Purple – My mustard soufflé
Red – Donald Duck
Blue – My avocado plant
Yellow – My penpal in Ghana
Orange – My Kid Rock-collection
Pink – Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None – My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other – The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs – Man
O.C. – Emotional
One Tree Hill – Open
Heroes – Frostbitten
Lost – High
House – Scarred
Simpsons – Cowardly
The news – Mongolic
Idol – Masochistic
Family Guy – Senile
Top Model – Middle-class
None of the above – Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy – How awful I’ve felt
Sad – How boring you are
Bored – That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry – That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed – That we’re cousins
Excited – That there is no solution to this.
Nervous – The middle-east
Worried – That your Honda sucks
Apathetic – That I had a sex-change
Ashamed – That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly – That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous – That I’m open
Other – That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White – Your ring
Yellow – Your love letters
Red – Your Darth Vader-poster
Black – Your tame stone
Blue – The couch cushions
Green – The pictures from LA
Orange – Your false teeth
Brown – Your contact book
Grey – Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple – Your old lottery coupons
Pink – How awful I’ve felt
Other – Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B – Your photo
C/D – The oil stocks
E/F – Your neighbour Martin
G/H – My virginity
I/J – The results of your blood-sample
K/L – Your left ear
M/N – Your suicide note
O/P – My common sense
Q/R – Your mom
S/T – Your collection of butterflies
U/V – Your criminal record
W/X – David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z – Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B – Always will remember
C/D – Never will forget
E/F – Always wanted to break
G/H – Never openly mocked
I/J – Always have felt dirty before
K/L – Will tell the authorities about
M/N – Told in my confession today about
O/P – Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R – Told my psychiatrist about
S/T – Get sick when I think of
U/V – Always will try to forget
W/X – Am better off without
Y/Z – Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer – Senility
Soft drink – A new life as a clone
Soda – The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk – The apartment building
Wine – Cocaine abuse
Cider – A passionate interest for mice
Juice – Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water – Your embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate – Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky – To ruin the second world war
Other – To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm regards
USA – Best regards
England – Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain – Go and drown yourself
China – Disgusting regards
Germany – With ease
Japan – Go burn
Greece – Your everlasting enemy
Australia – Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Fuck off now
France – In pain
Other – Greetings to your freaky family

So I was going through what I think is becoming my routine,  staying up late at night and trying to figure out why I can’t sleep.

Tonight I blame my lack of motivation to sleep on the thoughts of how much I’ve been missing the opportunities to talk to Craig, along with my anxiety about having to go to summer fest for a week. Considering the current circumstances of Sheona McCreath passing I’d say that Craig’s not being available is understandable and very appropriate. I’m thinking about my relationship with Craig and how we act when we are around each other, I’m trying to figure out if I actually can play the role of his best friend and his girlfriend. I found myself longing for the ability to comfort him in the perfect way that a best friend should. I want to have the skills or to be accessible to him enough for him to know that he always have a shoulder to cry on, or an open ear to listen in me. I wish I knew as  much about Craig as he does about me and that I could help him through this hard time.

In my sleepless sulk I find myself wandering to you tube just to be able to see a glimpse of Craig and I as we were when we were both happy together and when life for us was perfect and everything was for us as it should be. I really remember being able to truly laugh and smile while I was around Craig, something that I haven’t naturally done here back in America for a long time.

I watched a lot of videos I’d taken over the past few years and I realized that I take the time to try to capture life when it is good,  so that when it changes it can be remembered. I wonder if after losing his mother Craig will be able to return to the same fun and loving person I’ve known for so many years. I wouldn’t want any dark shadows of sorrow taking away the Craig I know and love from me any more than it currently has.

Four videos in particular cheered me up from my sorrowful and sleepless mood…they actually made me laugh and smile again for the first time since I heard the news about Craig’s mom on my birthday yesterday morning.

three of the videos are by me and one video is by someone with a related topic as one of my videos. I considered simply posting these videos on facebook  for others to enjoy as I do and calling it a night, but I think that it is important especially this quickly during such a depressing and sad time  in Craig’s life that I give an explanation to why I think I should feature these.

When I am with Craig I feel like a kid again, innocent and blissful. I try to play as I think a child plays with a close friend or playmate. As a child I never had any playmates to grow up with and I feel that Craig has given me the opportunity to try to relive those fun years or trying new things and being playful and daring. It interesting that this is happening to me now at a time when I feel that people should start treating me as more of an adult and mature enough to handle things like alcohol, sex and renting out a place to live on my own.

This first video was something that made me smile because it was something that I tried with Craig that she both seemed to enjoy and did out of boredom and that I can remember was true fun.

we decided to take up lip syncing:

or practicing for a Christmas greeting video

When I came across a video of Craig sexy eating it made me think of some of the wonderful small fun moments we had together that I hope will never go away now.

the sexy eating led me to a video that also made me smile

So today was supposed to be my day.

The day where I celebrated my twenty years of life on this planet and

I celebrated that I had survived to this age as many people before me hadn’t.
I was supposed to get attention and respect from everyone around me,

the prospects of anything bad happening today were supposed to be gone.

Sadly Life isn’t what you want it to be.
Today had to be one of the hardest days of my life.

Not only did everything that I wanted for my birthday not happen,

but the worst thing that could have happened did.

My boyfriend Craig’s loving mother Sheona Valley McCreath died this morning.

Last night when I’d been talking to Craig I had known that something was wrong I’d had the strange gut feeling that the situation wasn’t going to get better.

My bad feeling started when Craig initiated a conversation with me. Craig and I have been dating for almost nine months now but we have been friends for A LOT longer. During our years of friendship I have grown to know Craig well enough to know that he is not the type to initiate much due to his social anxiety and his fears of rejection. In our relationship I’ve been known to start a lot. Even though I want to be the follower often and I try to force Craig into positions that cause him to have to make up his mind on decisions I know that it is completely out of his character to try to initiate such a thing as a conversation with me.
Last night was different and I knew it was different because not only did Craig try to reach out to me but he shared his feelings with me without my having to ask for them. He knew he could trust me and confide in me as I’d done millions of times for him before.

Craig filled me in on his mother’s condition as I sat at home on my mom’s terrible wireless I thought to myself…I really hope this isn’t as bad as I think it is…and I really hope Craig is preparing himself for the very worst. In the back of my mind I had many selfish thoughts hoping that this trip to the hospital for the McCreaths would be like any other. Craig’s mom was admitted to the hospital for a few days, she’d heal, and all would be returned to normal. I hoped this because I thought that the worst thing that could happen would be Craig’s mother dying on my very birthday.
I thought that Craig’s mother dying on my birthday would taint the day for Craig for the rest of our lives. I thought that Craig would think of the anniversary of his mother’s death at everyone of my birthdays for the rest of our lives together and get all depressed and upset and angrily frustrated with the unfairness of the world, that one day meant to be used to celebrate life would become a day to wonder why it had to end.

The internet at my mother’s house failed me and all I could do for the rest of the night was to pray and hope that the best thing that could happen (Craig’s mothers healing) would happen in the passing hours of the night. My mom and I sat before we went to bed a prayed together that everything would turn out for the best for the McCreath family.

Sadly everything I hoped would didn’t go as I’d hoped. Tragically a life that had been filled with love and compassion for others was brought to an end.

Being a Christian I was raised to believe that God has a plan for everyone’s life,

that God brings a person into the world for a reason at a certain time. I was raised and taught that God can take a person out of the world when God believes that it is their time.

I wonder why God choose this time in Craig and Claire’s lives to take away their loving mother.

I wonder why God decided that the proper time to take this vital person away in my best friend’s life would be on the day that I myself was celebrating my life.

I wondered what a person does in God’s amazing plan to deserve that their time of final judgment come so early when in the bible men and woman lived for hundreds of years?

Why do good people such as Craig’s mom die, when the scum of the earth like Criminals can live their final days in the luxaries of their jail cells or even roaming the streets commiting even more crimes?

How dare God take away an innocent person’s mother, wife and sister?!

These questions I have been asking myself all day today as I cried and pondered the news that I’d recieved this morning a mere four minutes after waking up.

I sat crying to my mother asking her Why my prayers didn’t work? and Why everything didn’t turn out for the better when I usually get what I want from my religion.

My my mother told me that God gave the answer to these questions that was always meant to be. She said that God made this decision because he needed to and It was always planned, she said that even though we didn’t want it to happen it was out of our control, she told me that Craig’s mother was in a better place and closer to her creator. She told me that she is where she was meant to be. I know many people who aren’t religious but to me to grasp onto the worldly body and to not be thankful about where to soul may be was the wrong thing. That is how I find that I can cope with death and look into it’s face with no fear and feel better about my future. I know that there is hope for those who believe that there is.

I think God was trying to show us that life is short and that it is important for a person to cherish the time they have. I believe that I should live each day like it was the last one I’ll ever have and love like there isn’t a limit. I Believe that a person’s life is like a star shining in the darkness and that for the small time that the star can be seem in the night’s sky that it should try it’s best to shine it’s brightest and most brilliant.

I believe that the important thing about a person’s life is what amazing and incredible lessons and memories they leave behind. A BODY MAY DIE BUT A SOUL WILL LIVE ON FOREVER.

Sheona McCreath raised two brilliant, talented, Loving, intelligent, amazingly beautiful children. She was a friend to all. Even though I only was able to know her for a short amount of time I feel blessed to have been touched by her and able to meet her in my lifetime.

I feel that she left a mark on my heart that will never be replaced. I know she is in a good place right now and I am happy that her time of pain and suffering are over.

I’m happy that in death there is no pain and I believe that a soul finally finds it’s perfect paradise in heaven when it leaves it’s body of flesh and blood.

I have hope that Sheona McCreath is in a better place and happy to be free of a restricting body.

I believe also that the time in heaven is different then the time on earth and that in heaven millions of years can pass in a blink of an eye. I know that those of us who Sheona left behind will feel the pain and hurt of our loss for a long time and that the grieving and mourning process can change a person forever. I know that Ron, Craig and Claire will never be the same after this loss. But I believe that we will live our lives to the fullest and be with Sheona in heaven to what may seem to her as a split second but to us maybe a lifetime.

I’m looking at life in a brand new light now. I want to make the most of the days I have to live.

I am proud that Craig will remember his mother on my birthday for the rest of his life because I wouldn’t want to share that day with anyone else, she is the most worthy of the honor because she holds a great spot in Craig’s life because her life and the spirit she left behind was so great. I believe that my sharing my day is a blessing and that the love that Sheona had for everyone she knows will become the love that people she has touched have for others.

May she rest in peace without pain or worry forever happy in the warmth of my father’s house.