Corinne's Blog

It’s amazing how your life can change drastically at the drop of a hat. Since getting back I’ve had a lot of time to work on and develop some areas of my life that I didn’t think or what to have to need to for a long time.

It’s been actually nice working and living so close to my family. My mom is around during the day to talk to and I can go down and get a free meal whenever there’s nothing available at my own house. Forgive me, it’s not just the food that’s been nice about it but that my mother has become a positive motivator for me to get off my ass and get some work done.

Sometimes she tells me things I don’t want to hear or she tries to talk about things that she herself doesn’t understand (as in my life when she’s not around). I hate it when people try to tell me what’s going on from my perspective when they themselves aren’t me.

In a way I love the way Craig and I communicate, he doesn’t try to live my life for me like my mother does. Craig takes the back road and is always there to listen, but when I want him to pipe up with his opinion he is often more than happy to say absolutely nothing and he will downright refuse…Even if I beg him.

For example:

me: Craig should I go back Hamline or go to MCTC for Nursing school?

Craig: It’s your life and your decision

me: Come on Craig! I really need you to help me with this…

Craig: All I know is that you have always been good at one thing ever since I’ve known you.

me: And what’s that?

Craig: Caring for others.

Craig and I are different in many ways, nothing I do can change his mind about the way he runs things. It’s hard for me because I really wish he could see things from my perspective sometimes. Like in Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy, I wish I had a gun that I could shoot at Craig to make him see things my way, then he probably would never tell me no. I do depend on him to help me make a lot of my life decisions because the way I see it is that Craig will be a huge part of my life in the future so I’d like it where his life was also my life and vis versa.

Anyway, He was there to help me determine some of my short term goals for me this past week.

Craig and I have started something that I would consider dating. Before deportation we often would talk but only about my travels and in preparation. Now after my deportation we are both coming to terms with that fact that nothing is going to be changing about our living situations anytime soon…I don’t want to say that I am ‘giving up on Scotland for awhile’ but the fact is that…I AM.

It took me a lot of time and money to get prepared for Scotland and all that time and money I feel now is null and void.

So Craig and my solution to this is getting together once everyday or every other day and watching an online television show, such as Fringe or Doctor Who.

It’s been a good way for me to get what I refer to as ‘my fix’ of Craig because sometimes Craig to me is like a drug that I can’t live without for a long time. There’s something about him that draws me back over and over again. It might be his sense of humor that makes me feel like an optimist or the way he looks at me (via webcam) that makes me feel like someone out there “love-loves” me.

On these tv dates we also try to talk about other things in our lives and steer away from talking about the deportation and travelling…and being together, I’m sick and tired of talking about MISSING CRAIG…we all know that already.

Craig helped me develop a list of short term goals that I feel I could accomplish over these next few months.

I wanted to post these and thank Craig for helping me think of them.

-get a job away from my family:

As in not where I feel that family life and work life mesh at all. (my boss shouldn’t know my mother unless I introduce them, even then.)

-school: Go to school in something I am good at (caring for others=nursing?)

-move…away.

I want to go somewhere where I’m not familiar with my surroundings. I did it once when I moved to Brooklyn Park…I want to do it again.

-assert independence long term job.

A long term job would help me get the money i needed to DO WHAT I WANT!

-new focus of study

I want to figure out a vocation…whether music or health

-lose weight (size 12?) explains itself…get to the gym, drinking water

-eat healthier i normally eat healthy but eating non junk food i have trouble saying no to it right now and I want to learn how.

-join jogging group

this goal is also me saying…get into jogging outside again or start exercising in other ways outside. (bike, swimming)

-Craig not major in my life.

Craig and I should have separate lives that we invite each other into, in a way my life has been evolving around that fact that I was going to be in Craig’s life, now that has changed.

-totally different life by this time next year. 5/8/2010 20min to 4.

Pretty much review what I’ve accomplished at this same time next year.

-constructive time with Craig.

no more conversations about how much we miss each other…if that time is simply us being in a phone call and seeing each other but not talking it’s the feeling of doing something together that counts.

-Sleep under stars

get back to camping and the great outdoors

-Learn to love myself

weight loss, finding my purpose, getting new clothes, pampering myself in a spa or salon, getting my nails did

-identify 100 things that make me happy other than money

something I plan on doing on my blog over time.

-save the world

being more environmentally conscious.

-Shop for new clothes

my style needs to change and become more feminine

-Get out of Debt

* Hamline

2000

* ATM card

400

* New Passport

150

* New Visa

400

*Past Due Rent

900

*New Apt.

????

-stop stressing so much

-Write down everything I want from life.

in a blog

-Beat Guitar Hero on Hard

-Find a job I love

-Write a good novel

Something that my new free time is allowing me to do…the Colored Sands of Isabel Candace is coming along!

-Find my inner child

Little John is helping me do that Daily…it will begin with me finding my imagination again, or maybe when I learn to run again.

-Learn more Italian, French and Hindi

-get teacher certification

-Sing and act

-Improve my posture.

-Live in the moment

I’m an extreme forward thinker and I want to enjoy the here and now more (even in saying that I am planning to do so.)

-Be a better Friend

not as pushy and forward

-Master the Violin

I want to get into some type of group that plays…or to buy music and practice it.

-Discuss Sex very loudly in a restaurant

with Craig in July when he arrives.

-Break into Craig’s “apt” and have the best sex I’ve ever had. (Craig being cheeky)

to end my dry spell.

I want to call these goals MY New *News*…New things I’d like to accomplish to become a NEW me :D I think accomplishing these goals will help me get closer to achieving what I want in life.