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I have questions…they have answers, Thank you GOD!

Recently as I have been traveling with my mother I’ve found that she has been going through a new music phase in her relationship recovery. After my father my mother discovered healing music that helped her self confidence and got her through the day. Right now the artist that heals my mother has been India Arie. Often as I sit with my mother in the car she identifies songs that remind her of me and in some cases my personal life and my relationship.

The India Arie songs that she identified as being for me and for my relationships were really accurate this time and I was surprised…I listed to one of the songs that she said was me and Craig and it brought me to tears.

So here I share “He Heals Me” By India Arie and dedicate it to Craig McCreath: My Love and Best Friend Forever.

He heals me
Told him my biggest secret
And he told me four.
He smiled at me and said that makes me love more
And then he made me laugh
And I knew it was a sign
That he was a man,
That I wanted in my life

And with every passing day
I feel more and more of that way

He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me,
He heals me

I can play him songs, all through the night,
And he will listen to every line,
And even when I’m wrong, he is still kind
He chooses his words wisely when he tells me I’m not right.

And yes he is a beautiful man,
But he is also a beautiful friend

He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me

The moment that we met, he made me smile.
He has so much compassion in his eyes
I have no idea, how long he’ll be here
A season or a lifetime, forever or a year
But for the first time in my life I’m not worried about the future
Because we have such a wonderful time when we’re together
However things turn out, it’s all right
Cause he’s already changed my life.

He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me
He knows the real me
And he accepts me, he never hurts me
He heals me

Have you ever seen someone you don’t know of the opposite sex doing something that makes your heart quake? Or have you had someone do something completely genuine for the one they love and wished there was a completely genuine person out there for you? Have you ever sat back and thought of all the things you couldn’t live without in the person that you imaging yourself being with for the rest of your life? Well, if you haven’t I certainly have enough for the lot of us.

I would call this type of behavior recognizing your  created relationship standards.

I know many woman and men who have standards that they put the people that they are interested in dating through. Some people have higher standards for a relationship than others.

Personally over the years with the different boyfriends I’ve had, I’ve learned what I like and admire about men and what they have to offer me. I had at one point typed up all the things that a guy had to be good at in a list on my Myspace blog. At the time I made the list I hadn’t had much experience with men and I believe I’d just begun to have a relationship with my Second ex boyfriend Scott. I had no clue that loving a person could be as great and wonderful as what I have now with Craig and my ideas of what a boyfriend should do was really superficial because I never thought of my relationships with Jason and Scott as permanently as I think of Craig and I.

Since those days I’ve created a system to help me evaluate my own feelings because in the past I’ve been blinded by love and I’ve ignored and “looked past” the warning signs that proved to me in relationships that they were bound to fail.

The system that I have created consists of a series of tests that I put the men in my life through. These tests were created by me and I feel that the passing or failing of these tests can easily help me determine if a guy would be compatible with me to remain with me in the future. So far my tests have been good because I’ve never had an official relationship with someone which lasted less than six months. You might say that the year or six months that I’d spent with my ex’s was a waste of my time and life but I realize now that without having spent so much time with the men I would never have had as clear of an understanding of what it is I actually want and look for in a person of the opposite gender.

I don’t only test the men I am looking to date but I also test the men I want to have around me in my life and if I feel they are worth keeping around as trustworthy reliable friends. I come across times to test the men in my life when I don’t expect it sometimes, I wouldn’t go far out of my way to get a man to pass a test, if he is right for me he will pass the tests on his own and I have only to check that he’s done them. I’m not saying though that if an opportunity to test someone does come up that I won’t take it.

I thought about blogging about these tests ever since I had a conversation with Leo and Tom about how they’d absently passed many of my tests. Leo and Tom thought that they were a little bit much for a girl to put her significant other through Leo even asked me if the man has to buy the string that I whip his dick with. I’m not thinking of these tests as extremes I think they are a good way for me to determine who I want in my life.

Craig my boyfriend already knows all these tests and he understands that I will put him through them…I made that clear a long time ago. I don’t think that he minds them at all.

You tell me your opinions.

I’ll list all my tests but not in any particular order.

Test 1: The “Baby Test”: simply see how the guy reacts when given a toddler or newborn, established after seeing my friend Mikey play with babies in a gym once, I really wanted to date a man who was good with children. Whenever I see a good father or a man who will later make a good father figure it makes my heart sing with joy and I want to get to know that man better. Kind of like some woman when they see puppies and nice cars with men.

Test 2: The “Google Me”/Stalker/Blog Reader Test: This test is one that proves to me that the guy is making an effort to get to know me better. This means that they guy knows more about me than I’ve shared with him verbally. If he comments on my facebook wall or reads and comments on one of my blogs. I really like when a guy wants to pay attention to me and become my personal stalker, I don’t mind the attention.

Test  3: The “Breakfast” Test: The Breakfast test is a test that I established while I was in Scotland with Craig, one morning Craig made me a wonderful breakfast. I’ve had many men make me breakfasts before, like Leo and Tom. I wanted to make this one of my boyfriend tests because I’d like to have a guy who will take the time to cook for me. If he a better cook than just a college boys pasta only diet I think I’ll be able to respect him better. I love a man who can cook for me and surprise me when a romantic dinner. I can imagine that being something I’d look forward to in the future.

Test 4: The “Hygiene” Test: The Hygiene test was established after I dated Scott, He wasn’t the best at taking showers everyday and it was a bit distracting. I like a guy who isn’t pimple covered and greasy and who smells nice. A mans  smell is something I’ve noticed along with what a man wears and how he keeps his hair. Craig showers multiple times a day and he shaves. He doesn’t have a terrible rough beard that will scratch me when I kiss him…being clean includes grooming body hair.

Test  5: The “Teach Me” Test: This test was established after I dated both Jason and Scott, something I found appealing in them both is their abilities to teach me new things. Jason taught me almost everything I knew about kissing and exploring your boyfriend’s body and Scott taught me long distance bike riding. With Jason I became a great kisser and with Scott I biked all the way to Duluth from Minneapolis. Even today I think about my trip to Duluth as I bike up hillsides or by myself at night…I think, at least it isn’t as bad as the hills I had to climb to Duluth in the hottest days of a July summer or in the darkness in the middle of a wilderness I didn’t know.

Test 6: The” Baby Name” Test: I’m very future oriented and I love thinking of the future I might have as a mom. I constantly think about the names I want to name my future children.. As a person with a unique name I want to give my child a unique and uncommon name also I’d like my child’s name to mean something special Whenever I see or hear a name that I like I write it down, look it up and add it to my list. The test consist of my introducing the men to the names on the list over time and getting their opinion on them. The man who I am testing passes the test if he doesn’t complain about my asking and if he gives me a legitimate reason for why he doesn’t like a name. Craig and I went over my old baby list in one sitting and he disagreed with 80% of it. I don’t mind because I only want three kids.

Test 7: The “Religion” Test: The Religion test is for my personal relationship with Christ to not be affected by my relationship with the men I invite in my life. I believe a person’s religious journey is their own..I want a man in my life who is accepting of my religion and who is open to supporting me as I further my relationship with God. This has a lot to do with my married future. I want to have a Christian Marriage ceremony. The man I marry doesn’t have to believe in the same things as me but he has to understand that I expect our children to be raised in a christian household attending church with me every week.

Test 8: The “Cleanliness” Test: Different from the hygiene test because this has to do with the way the man treats his home and his living area. I look at organization and general orderliness. I’m a little bit of a perfectionist recently and I’ve realized that I don’t like men who expect me to do all the cleaning. I don’t believe the woman should have a man who she cleans up after the pig sty left by her family should not include her husband’s mess. Or on a more simple level…your boyfriend shouldn’t know the difference between neat, decent, truly clean and spotless. A Clean room isn’t a room with all your clothing off the floor only being moved on or under your bed.

:Test 9: The “Chick Flick”/General Think Film: If the man has good and similar tastes in film…because I’ve watched almost all of them. I love when a man watches a chick flick without complaining and when he is willing to talk about a film and the different characters and plot line. Leo actually really impressed me once while we were watching District 9 and Craig sat through Bride Wars and a number of other films with me and was will to talk and cuddle during them which I absolutely loved.

Test 10: Conversation Maturity Test: Can he carry a proper conversation without making racial jokes and embarrassing me? If he can, he’s passed my initial test. I love when guys lead conversations and I don’t have to initiate everything with questions. I like when I can have a proper debate with a guy and find him more attractive after the debate than before. I don’t want to feel like I’m talking down to the guy I am having a conversation with like I talk to my God son Collin who is four. I don’t want to have to worry about what he might say on the phone to my mother. He must be polite and know when to talk and when not to. And, I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TRUST HIM. When I hear someone telling my secrets if I confide in them I refuse to tell him another word because he’s lost my trust. I can hold people in silence for a long time.

Test 11: Singing/”Music Man” Test: I love to hear men singing, if a guy can play an instrument I am totally gone in him. If we have similar tastes in music I can go all day chilling at the thought of us going to the same concerts or dancing. While in Scotland some of  my best memories were listening to my ipod after syncing it with Craig’s. I know I love this one music test because every guy I’ve ever had feelings for I’ve seen sing. One time I was at church and Bob Broady sang his wife a song for their anniversary and I couldn’t help but think about how romantic it would be for a man to do that same thing to me. I love overhearing men singing in the shower or watching a man on his piano or guitar definite turn on. Musical men are good creative men in my book.

Test 12: “The Proposal”: I have four rules for my proposal, this is the only test that I do not have any control over. I know that a proposal is up to the man to figure out in the “when” and “where” and I want it to be a surprise when it comes to mine. But I have four things that I’ve imagined and dreamt of when they guy asks the question:

1-That the proposal is Filmed/Photographed so i can see the expression on my face and play it over and over again to remember what the guy has said to me because they say that when he it talking it becomes such a blur you forget everything( including your own name) Good thing the only thing I have to remember to say is yes.

2-In the Proposal the guy has to use my full name, I just like how official and formal it sounds using a full name and not my nicknames or first name. It is a lot more personal that way too.

3-I’ve had this thing about getting a bracelet as well as a ring. I like rings but I love bracelets ever since I heard that there was such thing as a engagement bracelet I’ve always wanted one. Plus I wear a gold bracelet that I received from my mother that I never take off and I feel that I’d be more likely to lose a ring than a bracelet. I don’t trust myself with a ring just yet.

4-The Last proposal rule is that It must be original. I’m obsessed with weddings and I’ve dedicated a lot of my time reading and studying proposals, I know that a lot of proposals are out of this world personal and I’ve heard that it doesn’t matter what he does because it’s the thought that counts…but I’d like to have the bragging rights. Right now the best proposal I’ve ever heard of personally was my friend’s Jonny and Michelle and Jonny’s hot air balloon proposal…I want one that tops that. I want a proposal that I don’t see coming from a mile away that I will remember for the est of my life (hopefully better with the help of the documentation in video or picture form)

If you think this is too much…I ask that you share your opinions to me about them.  I don’t think I dream too high or expect too much. I think every guy has the ability to pass my tests. They change from guy to guy…I feel if he can pass 8 out of twelve I can keep him around…because over time a lot of these tests might be passed.

So far I feel that Craig has passed 9 out of 12 with a few more to overcome…I know I can change him in time to make him the perfect candidate to pass.

THEATER | Workhaus Collective’s “Sense of What Should Be” is close to perfect | Twin Cities Daily Planet | Minneapolis – St. Paul.

So my friend Dominic from my church and Life Group Wrote this Brilliant Play and I recently went to see it’s 2nd half. I totally loved it, it made me want to take all my friends to it, sadly it’s last showing is this weekend. I’m hoping to find a good grop to take along to see it.

I’ve Posted here a Review that Dominic’s Girlfriend Julie Posted on Facebook (Link above, article below ); Julie is also in my life Group and a church member.

THEATER | Workhaus Collective’s “Sense of What Should Be” is close to perfect

Dammit.

Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit.

So. close.

Dominic Orlando’s The Sense of What Should Be comes as close as almost any new play I’ve seen in the last ten years to being absolutely perfect. Right up until the end. And then it lost me. But damn, what an amazing ride. Anybody who loves smart, well-written, well-acted, well-directed theater should see Workhaus Collective’s current production of The Sense of What Should Be for the 99.9 percent of the thing that is just so damn good. Then track me down and argue with me about the last 0.1 percent. Because this production hasn’t just got heart, it’s got something much, much rarer—it’s got a soul.  And when the script is true to that soul, the thing positively sings.  It’s gorgeous.

Pack up;
I’m straight;
Enough;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say

Wait, they don’t love you like I love you; wait, they don’t love you like I love you;
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps;
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you…..

Lay off;
Don’t stray;
Well, my kind’s,your kind;
I’ll stay the same!
Pack up;
Don’t stray;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say!

Wait! They don’t love you like I love you;
wait! They don’t love you like I love you;
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps;
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you!
wait! They don’t love you like I love you!
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps!
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you …
(guitar solo)
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you;
And wait! They don’t love you like I love you;
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps;
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you!
And wait! They don’t love you like I love you!
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps!
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you …

I spent most of my day yesterday in my mom’s house sick. I’m still here now and I’ve noticed that being here makes me want to blog about things that are happening to me. When I am at Leo and Tom’s house or at my place in Brooklyn Park I have a very hard time thinking about anything but unpacking, and cleaning. When I’m alone in my mom’s house that is usually already spotless where I don’t have anything but the clothing on my back and the bags I carry daily around It is hard for me to find ways of entertaining myself.

My mom has internet but it is extremely slow and annoying and it is constantly losing it’s signal. My mom has movies but I’ve seen them all. Cooking here is pointless because food is usually left over in the fridge for me to eat. I find myself reading and wasting time of my life playing catch with my smart cats Emmy and Ambross while my old cat Snow watches. It’s a sad existence that I’m trying to get out of. Since just this past week  I finished the book i had been reading Skinny Dip By Carl Hiaasen (Which has a fantastic ending) and since I’m not in the mood to begin my next Hiaasen I took time today inquiring about jobs in the classifieds and practicing my violin.

It is hard to play violin by oneself when there is no music available to you. I kept trying to think of songs that I’d played in the past but without the music available to me I had a hard time creating them like the masterpieces that they are and were when I played them with an orchestra.

I got to a point where I was humming more of the song than I was actually playing. I tried thinking of my life goals for the violin to continue to play it and to join a community orchestra somewhere. To continue to play so I could someday play it for my children while we sat in the livingroom onfamily nights like Laura’s father did in the Little House on the Praire Series. Or to continue playing just to have something that I can do as a talent that may have died since the days when classical music was a primary and popular form of entertainment and not only found on a classical music Am Radio station or in orchestra hall. I thought of why I started…it was because of film I would listen to movie soundtracks and hear the classical instruments and I would go to my older sister’s concerts and see that they got to play really fun movie themes and I wanted to do that. So I thought to myself…what are you goals for playing today? I have played the movie themes and I loved them and I can check that off the list of things I’ve done. I would like to join a professional orchestra but I need more practice to become worthy of even auditioning. I can’t play for my children as for the fact that I have none so I can only play because I find the instrument itself a great release from the stresses of my everyday life.

I attempt something that I’d been wanting to for awhile… a new project to fill my ever growing free time. I am going to try to play the violin solos that I’ve always told myself that I’d like to learn someday. From Kansas’s Dust in the Wind to Brittany Spear’s Toxic.

So yesterday…which still feels like today since it is only 1am today…I spent most of my day practicing the violin solo from Dust in the wind. I’d wanted to play the solo ever since I was in Farming Minnesota at Leo’s family farm and he’d played it for me to sing along to on the guitar. I knew the song as sung but he informed me that there was an amazing violin solo that accompanied it which he later played for me from his Mp3 player back when we got to Minneapolis. I told myself that one day I would learn the solo so I could play it along with Leo on guitar. The easiest way to learn it for me would have been finding the music for it online because  I know how to read music and that would have been the best solution. I found different versions of the song but because of my lack of money and my lack of time to wait for the sheet music to be shipped in three to five business days I decided to take the harder route. I looked the solo up on Youtube and found two great videos that featured the solo.

I played the first video over and over again playing and pausing it in sections until I was able to imitate the same sounds with my violin. And slowly I could play along with the soloist as if I was the one in the recording. Then I went on to practice the ditty almost for what felt like one hundred times over and over again for about two hours until I could play the solo with my eyes closed while skipping about my mom’s house (dangerous).

I got it up to speed and my final test of it was to play it along with the original…I found a good recording of Kansas from the 70s or 80s and I played along with the recording…the first time I didn’t do very well because the recording got ahead of me but the second and third times I nailed it. I think I listened to Dust in the Wind twenty or thirty times in order to deem myself as having mastered the solo…it was a great feeling after having begun the day only have had heard the solo once or twice before. I taught myself how to play it by ear.

I’m going to post the three videos I used and later I’ll record myself and maybe Leo playing Dust in the Wind to post on here…Being home and without webcam I felt that this was an accomplishment worth blogging about and since it is quiet here and I have the time, why not?

The Violin Solo Video I used first

Kansas: Dust in the Wind (The Link to the Version of the Song I tested myself with second to see if I’d mastered it)

The Mixed up solo that I used last

A Spent the rest of the night Playing a Christmas Music book I’d found in a corner. When my mom got home I showed her what I’d learned and she told me that she’d always thought that the solo was played by two different violins…She was impressed and now I can’t wait to show Leo!