Part One: Church Reading

Last year Craig started the project of writing a novel that he would constantly update me on, got bored of and never finished. I think since then he’s given up on the novel and the amazing transcript sits in his computer for the one day when I believe a new wind will come over Craig and he will decide to finish it.

Well, I really enjoyed Craig’s novel and if I had the ability I would steal it off his computer and complete the work myself. I was standing in the kitchen of the Theta Chi house trying to pass time while I was making tea when an idea came to my head. I’m was trying to figure out something to fill my time for the week that Craig will be gone in Malta and I came up with this.

I am going to start writing short stories on my blog in order to encourage new readers and try something new and exciting. As I sat in the kitchen thinking of things to fill my time I also started thinking about getting some reading done in some of the romance novels that I had started at the beginning of the summer but never really got into…and that’s when the first part of this story came to me. Bare with me that I am a little rusty in writing stories, I didn’t want to type the story out at risk of the computer dying on me, so i wrote the whole thing in a notebook to type out later…please read, hopefully enjoy, and comment on what you think about the first part of this short story. I’ve thought of the first two parts already but I think that they both are a little long for me to include in one blog.
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SO HERE’S PART I of the short story that I have yet to have a name for:

Sury sat in the lobby of the old run down stone church reading her novel. Another glance at the clock and she would have confirmation that her mother never kept her promises regarding time and after church business. How long could the planning of the annual church picnic and outing actually take?…According to the clock; two and a half hours after when Sury’s mother should have had her back home.

She only wished she had the ability to drive herself home already. At fifteen she had begged her mother to allow her to register for drivers education for many months now in vain only to get the common default excuse which came to most things that needed money ‘there was none.’ So instead of being home doing something more productive with this beautiful Sunday afternoon, Sury finds herself in the lobby…reading.

This one though so far has been a good one…about two young children who discover the internet and through the internet each other. Creating characters and trying to make their alias’s seem better than the children are in reality the two children are growing to form a solid friendship. A friendship that is completely beyond the conventions and boundaries of theirs ages. The children are growing up and getting older and this story is bound to lead the pair into a loving and passionate relationship that knows no bounds outside of the thousands of miles that separate them. The traces and hints of love are already in the air for the two. The girl is already rushing home because she (as her alias never shares) has very little loyal friends outside of him.

Of course the story will lead to love it is technically a novel labeled ‘romance’ and it was technically in the ‘romance section’ of the bookstore that Sury and her mother had visited a couple of weeks ago, but so far its been the plot and character development that have been fueling this baby of a story…Yikes! Old ladies… Sury stirs and glances up at them as they walk into the room, three of them and all as out dated as the others.

“Good Afternoon Sury” the women say as they pass the novel engrossed young teen girl. They smile at each other as they take personal gratification from seeing a young lady preoccupying herself with a book….That is until they discover what kind of a book it actually is.

“What are you reading dear? We have completely lost your presence here in the ‘real world’” one of them asks

Half wishing that she was actually lost in the story and out of the way of nosy old ladies who interrupt and spy on her Sury reluctantly answers with a mumble “___________ of love”. The story title isn’t important all that is important is the conversation that continues to follow. Sury continues “…just a novel I got at the last bookstore sale my mom and I went to.”

Curious at the name of the novel the elderly women inquire about the content of such a mysterious novel.

“What is the story about?” they ask.

This is when Sury’s personality actually wakes from it’s  boredom with the questions and actually shines. She loves telling her classmates at school about the romance novels she’d read. She’d become to them somewhat of a sexual aficionado. She’d read so much and they all knew nothing about sex from experience so she was her classmates go to gal.

“Well,…” Sury begins “It’s about these two kids who meet each other online and fall in love.”

She goes on “and how they try their hardest to get together, At least that’s what I’ve read so far…”

The old woman don’t quite understand the technology of the new generation so they inquire even more about what they, this boy and girl will be doing when they finally meet for the first time. After confiding with each other the three women decide to have Sury elaborate on the book a little bit more.

“Are they planning on getting together to begin dating Sury?” They ask.

Sury who wants to break it down to them so that they can understand retorts with this “Well, I’m not to it yet but I ton’d think they are planning on getting together to just date. I think they might be getting together to…you know.”

She let them have it easy and she chose her words wisely…well done Sury.

As the elderly women think about what activity the characters of Sury’s novel may be wanting to meet up and do, they stand perplexed in the stone churches lobby in a small huddle which reminds Sury of a football game. Until one of the women comes up with it, with a small “oh my!” and whispers it into the ear of her other companions.

The bravest of the women ask their last question to the young eagerly entertained young teenager. “Are you saying that they were fornicating”

Sury who has never called sex fornication says “Well yeah, they want to get together to have sex.”

Once knowing that fornication is involved with this book the women automatically begin a consensus of scolding looks at Sury as they try to set her straight.

“Those kinds of novels are inappropriate to read in a dignified church like this one.”

They continue on to talk about how she should be ashamed of herself then they dismiss themselves in a righteous huff. So with the women now gone  and surprisingly not too phased by the whole thing, Sury begins to return to her book. Yet before she starts to find out more about how the characters develop love, she thinks and tries to sort out some of the thoughts that are now running through her head at the old woman’s response.

‘How is romance inappropriate in church?’ she thinks ‘…there is romance in real life and love stories in the Holy Bible, so why not in this innocent book? What does it have that makes those woman’s nosy noses stick up as they huff away? Is it the sex? Gosh in the Bible they talk about sex, and proper sex etiquette…there are even prostitutes and people who are many times more wild than Sury’s mother of anyone in her small town would ever allow her of her friends be.’

Sury glances at the clock only ten minutes have past since the last time…she continues to be bothered with questions.

‘Who were these woman to look down at her for her choice in literature, when their book of the month had a lot more ’sin’ and was actually true! Instead of scolding her they should be looking at the men and woman of the town cheating on each other. Or they should take notice of the old men of the church who make Sury’s spine crawl when they come up to her and pat the small of her back as they talk to her telling her all creepy like that she’d make a man a great wife someday. What about them?’

Mental rant over Sury gets back to her read. Sadly before she get once again truly invested in the written words the music for the second service begins to play in the chapel in whose lobby she sits. Sury was once again interrupted from her reading. Two minute after that her exhausted looking mother then walks in through the lobby doors and says “There you are I’ve been looking for you…hurry up we have things to do back home.” So after more than two and a half hours of waiting and her mother’s rushing her Sury dog-tags her book page closes her book, gets up and leaves the gospel music of the second service in the dust of the open parking lot as her mother pulls out to drive back home.

TO BE CONTINUED….

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So, tell me what you think of the first chapter but not before a sneak peak of Part II:

Part II Sneak Peak:

While in the car Sury asked her mother the question that she’d been dying to ask ever since the first time her mother had first rushed her out of the stone churches front wood doors before the beginning of Second service.

“Mama…” Sury began, “why are there mostly black people in second service with the gospel music when there are mostly white people in the early morning service with hymnals? Why don’t we stay for the second service? I’m half black.”

I’m in the mood For A “Love Letter to Japan”

The Bird & The Bee – Love Letter To Japan

Ouh ouh ouh

[Chorus:]
From the west to the east I have flown to be near you
I have come all this way to be close, to be here with you
And now, all my heart I will lay down precisely at your feet

Ouh ouh ouh
My beloved, oh my sweet
All the gifts you have given me
The patience and the peace,
Cherry blossoms and the candy,
I am yours, I am yours
For as long, for as long as you will have me
The Bird and The Bee Lyrics on www.lyrics-celebrities.anekatips.com

Ouh ouh ouh
Dearest one, I had a dream
I mouthed the words, the sound came out,
I spoke to you in Japanese
Oh, my love, I cannot see, I heard your name
I know at once there was no place I’d rather be
All at once there was no place that I would rather be

[Chorus:]
From the west to the east I have flown to be near you
I have come all this way to be close, to be here with you
And now, all my heart I will lay down precisely at your feet

Ouh ouh ouh
My beloved, oh my sweet
All the gifts you have given me
The patience and the peace,
Cherry blossoms and the candy
I am yours, I am yours
For as long, for as long as you will have me

I packed my bag, I’m on my way
I am prepared for any season
I am prepared to stay
Here is my heart, my beating heart
Oh, how I’m longing for this love affair to start
[ The Bird And The Bee Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
How I’m longing for this love affair to finally start

[Chorus:]
From the west to the east I have flown to be near you
I have come all this way to be close, to be here with you
And now, all my heart I will lay down precisely at your feet

Ouh ouh ouh
My beloved, oh my sweet
All the gifts you have given me
The patience and the peace,
Cherry blossoms and the candy,
I am yours, I am yours
For as long, for as long as you will have me
Ouh ouh ouh

西から東へと (Nishi kara higashi heto)And from west to east
あなたのところにとんできたの (anata no tokoro nitondekitano)The colonizers who you just
遠い道のりをあなたのそばにいたくて(touimishinori oh anatanosoba ni itakute)Taku Tei near your journey
この思いをすべて(kono omoi oh subete)All this thinking
あなたにささげます(anata ni sasagemasu)Offer prayers to you
Oh oh oh

[Chorus:]
From the west to the east I have flown to be near you
I have come all this way to be close, to be here with you
And now, all my heart I will lay down precisely at your feet

My beloved, oh my sweet
All the gifts you have given me
The patience and the peace,
Cherry blossoms and the candy,
I am yours, I am yours
For as long, for as long as you will have me

[Chorus:]
From the west to the east
All this way to be close
All my heart
(fade out)

Wow…engagement video

Tami + Jake | Engagement from Ryan Southwell on Vimeo.

So I’m doing my regular thing…surfing the net and reading some engagement stories on theknot.com…when I come to this story about Tami and Jake and there is a link to a video on Vimeo…when I get to the site not only am I shocked to see that it is an amazing video but I also see that my OWN BOYFRIEND has added the videos to his favorites… The main question I have is why is my boyfriend looking at engagement videos????

Note to Craig: I WANT TO DO THIS…lets hire THIS GUY….he’s REALLY good.
Plus the song is GREAT!


This one goes out to you and yours
worldwide
I say hey I’ll be gone today
But I’ll be back all around the way
It seems like everywhere I go
The more I see
the less I know
But I know one thing
That I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

I’ve been a lot of places all around the way
I’ve seen a lot joy and I’ve seen a lot of pain
but I don’t want to write a love song for the world,
I just want to write a song about a boy and a girl
Junkies on the corner always calling my name
And the kids on the corner playing ghetto games
When I saw you getting down well I hoped it was you
And when I looked into your eyes I knew it was true
I say Hey I’ll be gone today
But I’ll be back all around the way
It seems like everywhere I go
The more I see
the less I know
But I know one thing
That I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

Now I’m not a highly metaphysical man
But I know when the stars are aligned you can
bump into person in the middle of the road
look into their eyes and you suddenly know
Rocking in the dance hall moving with you
Dancing in the night in the middle of June
My momma told me don’t lose you
‘cause the best luck I had was you
I said Hey I’ll be gone today
But I’ll be back all around the way
It seems like everywhere I go
The more I see the less I know
But I know one thing
That I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

And I said rocking in the dance hall moving with you
I said Hey momma hey momma close to you
Rocking in the dance hall moving with you
I said hey papa, hey papa close to you
Rocking in the dance hall moving with you
I said Hey Momma close to you
Rocking in the dance hall moving with you I said
hey momma, hey momma, hey momma, hey momma
hey momma, hey momma, hey momma, hey momma
what you gonna do?

My momma told me don’t lose you
Cause the best luck I had was you
And I know one thing that I love you
I said I’ll be gone today
but I’ll be back all around the way
It seems like everywhere I go
The more I see the less I know
I said I’ll be gone today
but I’ll be back all around the way
It seems like everywhere I go
The more I see the less I know
But I know one thing that I love you
I love you (3x)
I love you (3x)
I love you (3x)olor1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_detailpage&fs=1″ type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” allowfullscreen=”true” allowScriptAccess=”always” width=”425″ height=”344″>

Disrespect from my siblings

I took a record of some of the things that my siblings said to me today:

cynthia: leave the country, we do not want you here, only mom wants you here, you are just an inconvenience.

Eric Salone: Die you fat bitch

Tyler: Why don’t you just go home and stop strewing up things here, you never listen crazy bitch why don’t you just fucking die and go fucking kill yourself leave my fucking things alone you fucking bitch. Why don’t you just fucking throw yourself in front of a fucking car you fuckin bitch.

The only thing Evan ever says to me: Be Quiet.

or for example look at my photo comments and what Eric and Tyler say to me:

May 21 at 10:14pm
U all notice how i have been the only one not saying anything…cuz u all are stupid. except mikey and nike and i. corinne. u know nothing about me or the conversations that we have about u. but let me strongly assure you that they are about hot much i hate u. i dont enev have an oldersis other then tiffany. just a reccuring neusense that cant seem to find her way to her dorm. she does know me and doesnt speak for me…so she definately doesnt know what mikey means… and mikey……y would corinne want you to find a job near her…hmm good to ponder….i hope you find a job soon in a corn free zone. eric. dont bother grace…(until i give the sign)…grace dont bother eric at all!….and everyone!!! stop replying to this….or at least remove me from this stupid list! facebook notifications for pointless messages via cellfone are really pissing me off…goodnight…and goodluck.
I wish I had a tape recorder everytime they said stuff like this to me.

“He’s just not that into you…”

Warning:

This blog is not meant to make Craig Cry…if he is dead set on Crying I think he should make an effort not to read this blog because I am trying to get my thoughts straight

My relationship with Craig has caused me physical, physiological and emotional stress, pain and anxiety. I cannot get through my day smoothly without finding out what Craig is up to… I can’t sleep at night when I’m thinking about my life and how everything in my world seemed SO PERFECT when I was in Scotland, free of rules and authority, totally carefree and in an independent state that made me feel truly happy.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been going through a mental roller coaster with myself trying to find out where I want my life to be going.. . I seemed to have spiraled down to a place where I cry myself to sleep at night (if I even get any sleep at all). I’ve become so depressed with my situation that I’ve thought about suicide and homicide and just plain running away from MN and never returning…turning to the streets to get the money I need to survive because anything and anywhere would be better for me than where I’m currently at.

School isn’t an option for me right now because I can’t afford it and I don’t want to go back home because not only will I feel unloved and hated but I know that when I am home I fall into a deep deep hole of depression that creates thoughts in my life that nothing is worth living for if the people who are supposed to care and support you the most are telling you that you are a failure and worthless and that they hate you and wish that you’d never been born or that you are making mistakes with your life and throwing it away or that you need to find somewhere else to go because you ” can’t stay here”. I feel that every time I come home I just consider disappearing from the planet all together because life is not worth living when all you get from everyone you care about is hate. I feel that suicide is a selfish act and the only thing that is stopping me from committing it is my beliefs in Jesus and my Christianity because I don’t want to go to hell by committing that kind of sin. I’d like to prove my family wrong when they tell me that I’m a stupid bitch and that I should “just die” I want to become successful so I can choose if I want them in my life or not.

But right now at a time where I need vital support and love I can’t get it anywhere in Minnesota. No one here understands the constant ache in my heart that is only released once a week while I sing at church…the ache is only lifted while I’m standing and thinking about what life will be after I die and I have eternal life with Jesus. The only thing that has made me feel loved when I am alone is my belief that Jesus is with me and that God loves me.

When I was younger and going through shit with my father and my family I felt that God sent me a friend that would care for me and my situation and show me love regardless of who I was. The person I thought God was sending to me was my best friend Craig. Craig has been my rock and support for six years now and If he hadn’t been around many times I think I would have simply just jumped out a window or took a knife to my brother’s throats while they were sleeping.

Craig has talked me down from many episodes and he’s been there when I’ve been in the biggest dangers…like when my brother Tyler was attempting to kill me and my only way of defending myself was stabbing him in the side with scissors…at that time though helpless to help I’d been on the phone with Craig and he’d been there to tell me that everything would be okay. I remember thinking ‘if my brother does kill me at least Craig can call the police or testify against Tyler in court’.

I’ve been drawn to Craig because I felt that he was the solution to all my problems. I never asked him to become that kind of person to me…he just became that person when everyday after school I would rush online and talk to him all night about whatever was going on in my life.

I remember being banned from my families computer and trying all I could to get through to Craig so I could have someone I could vent to and cry to.

I used to find myself crying myself to sleep at night. I had bottled up anger and emotional baggage and with Craig’s support I got out of those bad habits. When my brothers would say how stupid, fat and ugly I was I would think about how Craig would call me cool. When my brothers and little sister told me that No one liked me I would think about Craig and how he didn’t only Like me but he even went and told me that he loved me and would consider me his best friend.

My relationship with Craig is a strange bond that I never want to see broken.

Recently though I think I’ve made some choices that have made me a subject of my own crazy emotions. I’ve been stressed and depressed about my lack of a connection with Craig as I used to have. When Craig and I stopped being friends and became lovers I lost a lot in him that I used to have. I would call on Craig when I wanted affirmation that someone in my world loved me because it seemed that everywhere in my real and present world everyone was letting me down.

I feel like many times I’ve put up signs that are like warning signs calling for help to anyone who was willing to listen. Mainly people like Mike Boosalis, Jacob Babcock and Kyle Parsons.

These signs have been witnessed by many people including my youth minister Michael Von Gross who told me that my only way of escaping this kind of depressing fate was to try something new and escape it.

Craig hasn’t been able to help me in my current battles and I’ve realized that his reasoning might be because I’ve put him on a high pedistule thinking that he could be my superman when he  was just another average joe who couldn’t fix my anything.

I feel that I’ve been asking him for a relationship and more love than he could give me and commit to at his age because for me I needed that love that I’ve been missing in the past. While I was in Scotland I was able to physically express myself and show my love for Craig in my actions…but now that I am away I’ve been expecting and wanting and waiting for that kind of love again but since I haven’t had it I’ve been suffering and beating myself and Craig up in order to get it.

Just tonight my mother called me into her room and gave me a speech about how she doesn’t want me to throw my life away. She told me that I am asking Craig for a lot more than he can give me and that I should never have gone to Scotland and done the things I’ve done. She told me that I’m in a position where I am on the edge of a cliff waiting for someone to give me the approval to jump off. She told me that Craig isn’t capable of returning the love I’ve been giving him and that I’m putting forth too much effort on my side for someone who “just isn’t that into you(me)”. She says that if Craig truly loved me he would have sent for me, or made an effort to come and at least meet my family as I did his. She said that he would put me as a priority and respect me like I’ve wanted…she said that a person who really loves you will show it in all that they do. She says that she knew from the start that I was putting all my eggs into one basket with Craig and now that the basket has a hole in it I shouldn’t be disappointed that I am losing all my eggs. She says that we might be better off returning to being just best friends. She says that Craig is not in a position in his life to make the commitment to me that in my mind he’s already made. She says that I am thinking that we are already married when he hasn’t even been brought home to my parents yet. Meaning that I am giving too much of myself to Craig and now that he’s found other things that are more important that I shouldn’t be upset that he’s not crazy pining for me. Craig is distancing himself from me like Scott did right before he broke up with me…and like Jason did when I broke up with him…yet Craig and I are supposed to be “together forever” in my crazy already thought out mixed perception of life.

Craig doesn’t see himself with me forever as i see myself with him…Craig wants to live his life now as it is and not think about the future as I am…Craig doesn’t want to be bothered with having me around this next year in Dundee but is only agreeing to it because I need the reassurance in my life and he doesn’t want to hurt his friend. To Craig everything I’m doing is forcing him into a frenzy with his life so he is avoiding me till he gets everything on his side figured out. Craig thinks that everything with me is going too fast and he wishes that I could slow it down and act like a normal girlfriend with a life outside of him. He wishes that I hadn’t put all my eggs into his basket and he wants me to find something else to fill my time other than him.

I want to go somewhere where I can feel real love, I want to love and be loved in return because my home life is unsatisfying… I just know that Craig will never feel that same way about me as I do him because I don’t see him suffering as I do…mentally, emotionally and physically and am going Crazy because of my relationship.

I am a bit crazy to begin with and I think I need to find something that will make me happy…I need to find myself before I try to ruin someone’s life by being around.

I don’t really know what this realization means… all I know is that my mom might be right about my relationship with Craig… Are we better off friends?

Cat Earns GED On The Internet

Cat Earns GED On The Internet

As part of an effort to expose Internet degree scams, a Better Business Bureau employee got his cat a GED.

Oreo C. Collins, a two-year-old tuxedo cat from Macon, Ga., may be the very first in her family to obtain a GED diploma. (Of course, we may never know for sure because, as she writes in her “life experience essay” portion of the test, she’s adopted.) WMAZ-TV in Macon, Ga. reports that for a $200 fee, Oreo recently received her diploma from Jefferson High School Online with the help of her owner, Better Business Bureau employee, Kelvin Collins.

“Oreo’s a really smart cat,” Kelvin told WMAZ-TV. “She keeps up with current events.”

So smart that Oreo garnered mostly As in the online test, with some of her credits earned from her aforementioned life experience essay about her adoption into the Collins family. No doubt that’s why Kelvin solicited Oreo’s help in the Better Business Bureau’s experiment to expose Internet diploma mills.

This is great news for my plan to make my dog a gynecologist.

Ladies like dogs. Ladies take their pants off for gynecologists. Too perfect a plan you say? We’ll see…