Corinne's Blog

So I was going through what I think is becoming my routine,  staying up late at night and trying to figure out why I can’t sleep.

Tonight I blame my lack of motivation to sleep on the thoughts of how much I’ve been missing the opportunities to talk to Craig, along with my anxiety about having to go to summer fest for a week. Considering the current circumstances of Sheona McCreath passing I’d say that Craig’s not being available is understandable and very appropriate. I’m thinking about my relationship with Craig and how we act when we are around each other, I’m trying to figure out if I actually can play the role of his best friend and his girlfriend. I found myself longing for the ability to comfort him in the perfect way that a best friend should. I want to have the skills or to be accessible to him enough for him to know that he always have a shoulder to cry on, or an open ear to listen in me. I wish I knew as  much about Craig as he does about me and that I could help him through this hard time.

In my sleepless sulk I find myself wandering to you tube just to be able to see a glimpse of Craig and I as we were when we were both happy together and when life for us was perfect and everything was for us as it should be. I really remember being able to truly laugh and smile while I was around Craig, something that I haven’t naturally done here back in America for a long time.

I watched a lot of videos I’d taken over the past few years and I realized that I take the time to try to capture life when it is good,  so that when it changes it can be remembered. I wonder if after losing his mother Craig will be able to return to the same fun and loving person I’ve known for so many years. I wouldn’t want any dark shadows of sorrow taking away the Craig I know and love from me any more than it currently has.

Four videos in particular cheered me up from my sorrowful and sleepless mood…they actually made me laugh and smile again for the first time since I heard the news about Craig’s mom on my birthday yesterday morning.

three of the videos are by me and one video is by someone with a related topic as one of my videos. I considered simply posting these videos on facebook  for others to enjoy as I do and calling it a night, but I think that it is important especially this quickly during such a depressing and sad time  in Craig’s life that I give an explanation to why I think I should feature these.

When I am with Craig I feel like a kid again, innocent and blissful. I try to play as I think a child plays with a close friend or playmate. As a child I never had any playmates to grow up with and I feel that Craig has given me the opportunity to try to relive those fun years or trying new things and being playful and daring. It interesting that this is happening to me now at a time when I feel that people should start treating me as more of an adult and mature enough to handle things like alcohol, sex and renting out a place to live on my own.

This first video was something that made me smile because it was something that I tried with Craig that she both seemed to enjoy and did out of boredom and that I can remember was true fun.

we decided to take up lip syncing:

or practicing for a Christmas greeting video

When I came across a video of Craig sexy eating it made me think of some of the wonderful small fun moments we had together that I hope will never go away now.

the sexy eating led me to a video that also made me smile