Corinne's Blog

I have A ton on my plate right now with the end of the School year slowly drawing near. It’s amazing how much I can push myself to do when I have the motivation to do them. The crazy thing is that I haven’t had the motivation to do any schoolwork until I think it’s totally and last minute solution.

For school Due this week I have 2 papers and I have to do a presentation in front of class. Just today I finished most of my work for orchestra when I did the Final Spring Concert. Tomorrow I will be attempting to join the orchestra on a piece that they’ve been working on in sectionals. I am unable to attend sectionals during the week because I have the scheduling conflict with working that I can never get out of. Vavaldi’s Concerto for four violins looks easy but I’m hoping that my luck tomorrow will change when I try to play ‘easy’.

Outside of school I am working on a yearbook for the members of my sorority and it seems to be costing me an arm and a leg in Printing costs. I wish that my pay in some of my jobs could be toward free printing. I was hoping to get the yearbook done last week but I did not recieve personal pages and bios from all the ladies yet.

On top of working on something for the Delta Tau I have been trying to be the best social chair in IGC i possible can be. Sadly my passion and hardwork has been seen by some of my fellow members as a push of micromanagement and has been taken negitively. Just this past week was a huge week for the Hamline Greek community as social chair I was supposed to be ‘put in charge’ of the annual Greek Week that Hamline goes through. Not only was I sick the week before all the events were supposed to happen, I was left in the dark about what the times that the events would start would be. I was really nervous because I hate to deligate unless I completely must. I’m happy that I have people around such as Matt Hill who can pick up the pieces. The week before I got sick I think i’d been pushing myself too thin trying to get everything in my life straightened out i wore myself down so thin that my body began to suffer. Greek Week’s Events had been decided the week before I had gotten sick and 2 weeks before the events were actually supposed to happen. I wasn’t exactly nervous about what the events would be I was just wimply nervous about how they would be run and scheduled and whether or not all that components would get to the sites on the right days at the right times.

This is How the Week was supposed to go.

-Monday: May 4th Game Night and Pancake Dinner
-Tuesday: May 5th Philathropy Event and Bonfire
-Wednesday: May 6th Movie on the Lawn Night
-Thursday: May 7th Bowling Night and Voting for Greek awards
-Friday: May 8th Pig Prep Night
-Saturday: May 9th Greek Annual Luau Celebration.

Every event went well except some of the locations were changed at the last minute due to potential rain and failures at the Hamline Scheduling office. I felt so responsible for the events that I made sure that I was there to all of them. The only event I had a hard time going to was the canning door to door event that we had as a philanthropy event on Tuesday. I was working, I did bring cans from my dorm though when I finally got to the event.

I made Eggs on Monday the first day that I felt a bit like myself. Sadly my voice didn’t recover from the stress of my sore throat and terrible fever until Wednesday.

I felt disappointed in the Theta Chi when they had a great attendance at the Canning but failed to show up at the DT bonfire after that canning event was finished. It seemed as if they were taking ‘revenge’ for the lack of Delta Tau at the philanthropy event.

The attendance to the events in general was poor but I don’t think it took away from the overall atmosphere of the events it was just really disappointing.
I think the attendance was bad because of the scheduling of Greek Week itself and my lack of ability in promoting the events to both the houses as Social Chair. Hopefully next semester I can get the same position in order to try to do a better job encouraging members of the Greek community to attend. It’s embarrassing to have a lack of Greek on a week that is so open to the Hamline Campus community. I think it’s terrible for Greek Life’s Public relations and reputation as a good socail environment.

Regardless of the negitives of the Week I had a lot more positives and I met alot of wonderful people.

On top of Schoolwork, DT Yearbook and Inter-Greek Council I have my responsiblities in church and my responsibilities as a partner in the relationship I am currently in with Craig McCreath.

In Aldrich Avenue Presbyterian Church I participate as a member of the Praise and worship team…this requires me to be present at Sunday morning rehearsals every Sunday. Being sick a week ago was terrible for me because I was unable to sing to the best of my abilities I felt weak and I wasn’t completely 100% in listening to Matt Johnson’s Sermon. I feel that this responsibility on my plate is one that I take willingly and that I hope to continue with in the future as long as I am able and welcome. I think that the support of my friends and family in the Aldrich community really helps me get through my stressful weeks I really appreciated the chats I was able to have with people who I know really appreciate me and my talents and willingness to learn and ambition to do better. Though many of the people in this community think I am unique for being ‘so young’ and in such a mature position I feel that I have a calling and that they have grown to understand that I praise my best when i am singing and leading others in Praise. At Church I was supposed to be joining the New Members group to finally find a place that I could call my Home Church after having left New Creation, I think I need to get to that …but that’s another thing I am adding to my plate.

When it comes to my relationship I found myself testing the waters quite a bit recently because I wanted to be able to define where I sat in Craig’s life. I lack understanding of how much of Craig’s time he spends working on schoolwork and how much time it takes him to design and code a website. I feel terrible that I am not able to judge this time because of the distance between us and I realize that I do not recognize and appreciate the many hours a day Craig sets aside at ANYTIME of the day to talk to me[or to hear me ramble on about my day's problems]. Craig doesn’t get enough thanks for stopping everything he is doing to answer my phone call or respond to my text message…I know that at times I get frustrated when he ‘multitasks’ and does his work while he is talking to me even though I often interupt Craig as he is working. I hope  Craig can tell how much I am obsessed with him…maybe the more proper word for that obsession would be…Love.  I can’t make a decision about my own life without thinking of how it might act to help or hinder us. I’m truely not a full and complete person without Craig. I wish Craig knew how much I love him and think about everyday. I want to close the literal gap in our relationship so I can spend more time proving to him how much I care about him. I hope he sees that I am not trying to test his love for me, but rather I am trying to make myself feel more secure in our relationship. When I ask a question that may be testy I am not looking for a reason to call Craig unfaithful or to mock him for being shy or moody at times. I do not want to show him that he is a bad boyfriend because he is the best one a girl could have and the perfect one I have wished for. Rather I am trying to prove to myself that I am worth keeping around even with all the terrible things I find that I do to Craig to the point where I’ve brought him to tears. I love Craig and I hope that when he thinks of our relationship and the fights that we’ve had recently he thinks about how those fights have contributed to our healthy relationship…and if he has to put a finger on it I hope he just labels it Sexual Tension caused by the distance between us these past few months. I constantly find myself closing my eyes and pretending that Craig was in the room or hugging a pillow trying to imitate the feeling of having that one perfect person to cuddle with and chat with late late at night when everyone around is sleeping. I long for the personality and the smiles and I miss the tickling and the simple act of holding a hand as I walk down the sidewalk (or pavement). I can’t wait till I am able to get back to Scotland or till I can get MY MAN in Scotland to come to me. I miss my best friend above all the physical things… Craig is the only person besides my mother who knows me better than I know me. I just wish that I could get the opportunity to become that same person for Craig someday. It’s like he knows me so well but I don’t think I live up to his standards and title of Awesomeness. In order to prove my own self worth I found myself turning to self help quizzes and trying to read books on ‘understanding men’s emotions’. As a last resort I turned to asking Craig directly and it came to discussions that caused arguements…I’m sorry about those and I’m happy that we both know what a stupid arguement is and what is not. I wish school would end tonight and that I had more money so I could fly back to Scotland and go back to that little place up in Elie and make up for lost time.

I think I take for granted how blessed I really have to be where I currently am. It’s Crazy how I’m constantly ranting on about my lack of ‘friends’ but when I think back to blogs like this where I reflect on what’s going wrong and right in my life It’s amazing that I can list a dozen people who are my true hopefully life friends. Those who I really appreciate and who I will love Forever regardless of what we may be going through.