Corinne's Blog

Last year Christmas time was completely different than this one. The only thing that was the same was that Craig McCreath  was there to wish me a happy one. I remember last year at Christmas time I was sitting in my families three bedroom two bathroom apartment watching everyone enjoying the presents that I bought them while my own lap sat empty. I’m not a bitter person and I know that we Salone’s we having bad luck and were on bad times when Christmas came around. Tiffany my older sister had brought her boyfriend home to spent the holiday with us and she was so embarrassed by our lack of tree due to our family money situation that she personally went out with my little sister Cynthia in tow and she bought a beautiful tree for us to decorate. Luckily the Christmas tree decorations hadn’t been lost with all the other items of value that we’d had in the storage compartment we ended up losing due to not paying for it. I remember that last year I spent three paychecks to make the holiday actually feel like a holiday. I bought everyone presents and I even wrapped them and made sure that EVERYONE (except me of course because that would be selfish) received one. I also remember running into my room and crying because I always looked forward to Christ’s birthday because it was one day that I knew my own worth. People buy for you what they think you deserve to get…whether coal or jewelery. I remember thinking that not getting anything was like my family saying to me that I was no longer worth buying anything for. I felt no love whatsoever.

I remember getting online and chatting with Craig as I sat crying and all alone. He told me about his holiday and he shared with me the pictures he’d taken of his family enjoying themselves.

Little did I know that twelve months later I’d be dating Craig and that I’d be like my sister’s boyfriend last year…spending the holiday with a significant other’s family.

This year was like no other holiday I’ve ever experienced. Not only was it completely foreign to me but it was my first holiday away from my family. I think I really needed to get a new experience when it came to holidays because it is rumored that the greatest times of sorrow and depression were during the holidays and I was extremely close to reaching my lowest point in 2007. 2008 brought me to Craig’s family in Scotland and Christmas was held in a small condo in a beautiful part of Scotland that I forget the name to right now. The holiday I’d been anticipating since I realized that I’d be attending it with Craig’s family. I’d handmade most of my presents and I’d try to get something for everyone, which was extremely hard to do considering how I knew almost none of the people I was buying presents for. The presents were all very generic but I tried to find presents that would fit the personalities of the people I was buying them for. All I knew about Craig’s families personalities had come from him over the past few year and even then it was REALLY Hard because Craig had separated his ‘computer life’ from his ‘real life’.

Craig’s real personality is a lot like his computer one. I know a lot more about his personal life because over the past five years Craig and I have slowly broken barrier after barrier when it came to how much we knew about each other until I realized that Craig though more than 3000 miles away had become my best-friend. It was only Halloween this year that we’d decided to make it official and say that we liked each other and wanted to ‘give a long distance relationship a try’

This year I flew and landed and met the man that I one day intend to marry.

Not to be over ambitious but I met him and I know that he is my true soul-mate. It’s strange how much I lived up to the moment and dreamt up to the moment that I met Craig McCreath. I saw him and I knew it was him right away. He looked my so many pictures I’d seen of him in the past. My first thoughts were that I wish I’d had had more time to get myself prepped to see him…and I was really surprised that my flight boarded and let passengers out right onto the runway. I was so tired and upset with the Belfast airport that I instantly recovered from the headache I’d been suffering with all day when I saw Craig. I had been taping my decent from the airplane onto the runway to the terminal when my camera battery ran out of juice and I only was able to tape Craig’s feet before I first saw him. My first impressions of Scotland were that I hated my camera and that Craig was wearing something that I hadn’t expected…

I remember exchanging some sort of greeting before giving Craig a huge hug…then there was the collection of my luggage which was instant because it was all there first…and then we were off and out of the airport and heading to the bus that was right outside…the time in the airport spent was at least ten minutes…it all went so fast that I remember tripping a few times and saying “this is all going by so fast I’m having trouble taking it all in”.

This Year’s Christmas was sleeping in till almost noon getting dressed in NOT the dress that Craig’s mom bought me but rather in the outfit I’d intended to wear on Christmas to begin with…traveling in a car that drove on the “wrong” side of the road, and greetings as I met Craig’s uncle and again was acquainted with the meeting of Craig’s aunt. Christmas this year involved piles for presents and some with MY NAME on them! Christmas was Champaign and Christmas lunch that I’d never experienced before. This year I saw present after present of things that I’d never thought I’d recieve EVER in my life. For year I’d asked my mother for a digital camera and an ipod. For years I’d recieved clothing and practical gifts that I never used…like notebooks and socks. I remember last year sitting and thinking ‘I’m heading off the college, I have no job and I have nothing other than the clothing on my back and I get NOTHING!’ this year I was thinking ‘I’m coming and invading this families holiday bringing nothing but gifts that I hardmade and not worth what they may be giving me and all I have is the clothing on my back and a smiling face and the potential love of one of “theirs”.’ I was scared shit-less…Nervous that it would be boring and awkward. Times were awkward but I had fun and I laughed and I sang out loud and I received a break from the stress that I knew would be inevitable in Minnesota if I had stayed for the holiday there. It was a calm and comforting day and I could see myself spending Christmas with those same people again one day. Craig’s sister, mother, father, aunt and uncle…they were all there and they all seemed happy that I was there too. I think I felt the best when Craig’s mother opened my gift and said it was lovely and when Craig’ father opened his personalized mug and showed it around with a big huge smile on his face. That was the first time I’d seen him happy about anything like that…I didn’t know the man had that kind of emotion in him. Seeing his reaction made me feel welcome and seeing Craig’s face after he saw the reactions of his family members to my gifts was very reassuring.

I know that he care for me because when it came to the gifts he gave me it was exactly what I would want. I received an Ipod….yes! And IPOD first from him and it was equipped with almost all his favorite songs. Along with a WHITE  GOLD locket that I intend to put pictures of him and I in to keep close to my heart. I also received:

-Perfume

-Earrings

-Lotions and Shampoos

-Candy

-A McCrae Clan scarf

-An Edinburgh Calender

-An Edinburgh Towel

-Money

-A DIGITAL CAMERA

-a nail polish kit

-a makeup kit

and ALOT MORE!!!!

His family gave me not only everything that I didn’t know that I’d wanted for years but also the gift of their love and warmth and invitation into their lives as Craig’s girlfriend. I think I left a good impression because Craig’s mom had nothing but compliments for me the whole night and as we played Wii Sports Craig’s family cheered on as I got first in almost every game I played. At some points there was silence but that was because we were all in a comatose state after eating all the delicious food that Craig’s aunt Mo and his sister Claire had been preparing. Craig’s uncle Chris and I got into a great conversation about exercise and how to lose weight while running and Craig’s dad actually had a conversation with me. Craig’s sister Claire who I knew I’d like the first time I met her wore the necklace that Craig and I picked out all day! (she’s even wearing it now).

Christmas wasn’t stressful and it wasn’t filled with disappointment when it came to how people reacted to my gifts or how I was being treated. It was amazing and I wish everyday was Christmas so I could have another piece of the warm Christmas pudding with Scottish Ice Cream and Brandy cream. I want to wear the red Christmas crowns and pop the festive Christmas poppers again.

Above all…I want to be able to walk with Craig like I did on the way back home after the night was over. I sometimes beat myself up over my appearance and that I talk about the FUTURE like it should be the present…but Craig’s acceptance of me as a REAL person has made me love him even more than before. When I went to bed last night and was able to say good morning [or midday] to him when I woke I realized that I look forward to many more walks to Craig no matter where they take us. I loved how Craig took me on a different path back to his beautiful home in Edinburgh. I loved how we talked about the Future and what it might bring us. I love how Edinburgh doesn’t recognize it’s potential to be a phenomenal city because I know that when I hopefully move here It won’t be over populated by people who have fallen in love with it. Craig says that Edinburgh is ‘nice’ but nothing really…and maybe to the Edinburger eye that’s exactly what it is…but to me I’ve fallen in love with the concept of walking back through an empty city…castle on your right side and modern day coffee house on your left, holding your soul-mates hand thinking…

All I want for Christmas is you.